The day you stop running is the day you arrive....just enjoy the ride

I don't feel as if I am fully embracing my new experience. I sit here at this cafe at the Souk Waquif and look at all of the poeple who are here...and think...am I allowing myself to accept this great gift of an adventure, to learn about a new culture.. .to learn about myself...to absorb all that I can?

They are from all walks of life, every part of the globe. Some LOOK like tourists, some LOOK like natives. Some look shell shocked and some look relaxed. I wonder what I convey to those who are looking at me.

A man walked past me a moment ago (which is what promped this musing). Obviously not from here. Western dressed... jeans, red t-shirt. He looked like he was Hawaiian from South Cali....very artsy and surfy all at the same time. And just from the way he carried himself... his vibe... you felt as if "here is someone who SAVOURS his experiences." Now, I could be totally wrong with my assumption, but that is the feeling I got... and it made me envious.

I feel like I am the consumate outsider. Always searching. Never really at peace with where or who I am.

I woke up the other morning asking myself "why do I always seem to be dissatisfied...not fully content". Always looking forward...sometimes backward... but rarely, very rarely, able to be in this moment, right now. SAVOUR it. Taste it. Commit it to memory...all of the colors, smells, emotions of this one, singular, unique moment in MY life.

Sitting here, in this place, the Old Souk, which was originally built thousands of years ago...in this modern cafe, reflecting on the past...looking to the future.... I am trying to savour THIS ONE MOMENT...and to be at peace.

Last night a friend of mine introduced me to a song... and for some reason the words have been bumping around in my head...

They shut the gates at sunset

After that you can't get out

You can see the bigger picture

Find out what it's all about

You're open to the skyline

You won't want to go back home

In a garden full of angels

You will never be alone

But oh the road is long

The stones

That you are walking on

Have gone

With the moonlight to guide you

Feel the joy of being alive

The day that you stop running

Is the day that you arrive

And the night

That you got locked in

Was the time to decide

Stop chasing shadows

Just enjoy the ride

If you close the door

To your house

Don't let anybody in

It's a room

That's full of nothing

All that underneath your skin

Face against the window

You can watch it

Fade to grey

And you'll never

Catch the fickle wind

If you choose to stay

But oh the road is long

The stones

That you are walking on

Have gone

'

With the moonlight to guide you

Feel the joy of being alive

The day that you stop running

Is the day that you arrive

(Chorus)And the night

That you got locked in

Was the time to decide

Stop chasing shadows

Just enjoy the ride

Stop chasing shadows

Just enjoy the ride

Yup... this IS the middle east

CENSORSHIP SUCKS

and I believe that is all I will be able to say on that subject.......

The Best Day EVER....followed directly by a shitty mood....

who would have thunk it... Matthew McCaunaghy in Doha!!!! Ahh to be 24 again.....

talk about two different worlds colliding...

nice guy...(he was the police overseeing the function)

outside of the zoo... again...worlds colliding...(bad pic of me though....)

hi Mama

me and alan.....zoom in on the pic... people everywhere... regardless of country or religion, enjoy much the same things... spending time outside with family... surrounded by nature...

now THAT'S a face....

nope...that is!!!!

BEST PICTURE EVER!!!!

pretty face

the entrance to the Doha Zoo...and the round thing is one of the monkey cages

this is Rick's...just turn your computer on the side so you can see it

Alan and Paul...a brit, an aussie and a small town american diner in Doha

Why does that always happen? They say you need evil to know good, you can't have light without dark, so I guess that follows suit with having the best day in a new country followed by the worst mood ever the next day.

Ok so yesterday...THE BEST DAY EVER. Woke up late... YEAH

went to RICK'S KOUNTRY KITCHEN....OMG!!! just a like a small town diner-ette. I FINALLY had a real breakfast... blueberry pancakes, eggs, grits!!!!(ok, the grits sucked but you can't have it all right) with two great fellas... Allan you already know about... and now Paul... cool kid. 27 from Australia...(man thay make 'em hot down under)

nice guy, loves his gf... even if he did leave her in Aussie land, totally into fitness. We were talking about kite surfing and he is willing to help me out with the learning process. He even went so far as to check online for a beginner kite for me. Keep your fingers crosses I don't kill myself... lol

So after a hearty meal the three of us traipse down to the Doha Zoo....

I was worried about going... I thought I was going to want to set all the animals free, cry about their inhumane "care" or otherwise just be disgusted... I was none of these things. Although I have to admit I am not a big fan of zoos at all, I wasn't horrified by the state of this one. I was concerned about the overcrowding in some of the areas, like the monkeys or the deer, and for the most part the enclosures were too small for the occupants, but that's the way most zoos are... even the ones in the States. There was proof, despite this, that the animals were feeling pretty good though...AHHH SPRING WAS IN THE AIR!!!lol

yup... oh irony. Here we are in the middle of a muslim country where even a light kiss on the lips between the sexes is editied out of movies in the theater, many many randy animals were putting on their own little porno shows. There should be a few baby panthers, lions, chimps and more than a few monkeys in the coming months.....I have to say, we were incredibly lucky to see the animals so active and...so close!! No where in the states would they have the lion cage just inches from you. I was getting a kiss from the giraffe... The elephant could have touched me with his trunk. It was truly amazing to be soooo close to these guys!

So, after that wonderful display of love, and the three of us "adults" behaving like silly 3rd grade children with the giggling and pic taking, off we go... and I went to the Texas A&M Boot Scoot!!!

Jeans, boots and my cowboy hat!!! A little two stepping and throw in Matthew McCaunaghy for an appetizer and I was one HAPPY GIRL last night!!!!

So why am I so DAMN GRUMPY today??????

Sorry I haven't written in a while. My camera finally gave up the ghost and i had to go get a new one. I love it!! It's the Olympus 1060. Great pics...

It's starting to heat up here...ugh

Oh.. so here is something fun and exciting!!! I am going to host a country night and a swing night at a restraunt in the Marriot!!!! I am so f'n excited to see if I can get this off the ground!!!!

They have given me two nights per month to promote and if I can give them 50+ people I might get more nights or a bigger venue.

I really think this could be something that is needed here. There is a HUGE community of people here from Texas, Oregon, Oklahoma, etc... who have no outlet. As well as a large group of 40+ ers who don't want to go to the clubs, and the bars are just not what they want. So for them 50's swing... Any ideas or thoughts on this? Let me know!!!!

Miss you all and thanks for keeping up with me.

For such a slow pace everything moves so fast here....

look very closely at the pic above... can you see who is driving???

me and Diane

and John

melissa, cheryl and me...(melissa is on your right and cheryl on your left)

So I have just experienced my first Doha loss.... and it is dawning on me that this is just the first of many...

Living in an expat community bonds are formed, tight and deep, very fast. I think this is for a couple of reasons. One, everyone is in the same boat...far from home, family and friends. Far from everything familiar and safe. So in order to regain some feeling of home and safety you reach out to people who "remind you" of people you have known. Gather around each other... safety in numbers. And if you feel close to those around you you feel protective as well as protected. More so than even at home with the best of friends.

And two...the knowledge that time here is finite. People come here for work and when the contract is up, or some before, they pack up and head home or to the next destination.

It seems I came in just as most contracts are coming due. I have quite a few people whom I have come to think of as my support system here who are reviewing their options...to renew or to go...

One left the other day. And as I have only known him a short time we became good friends. The other friends I have here I have known even longer(in my whole two and 1/2 months)...and as this is my first goodbye here it is hard...and I can only imagine that the next few will be even harder. Strange really. I have alway been able to just pick up and go...knowing that I can always go back, so the goodbyes don't sting as much. But living the expat life...when you say goodbye you never know if you are going to see that person again....although I hope that the friendships I have made here so far and have yet to make will not only be lifelong in thought but also in practice. But you never know. It's tough to have friends located all over the world and get a chance to see them...

I started to think about my time in Nepal the other day. I had made a friend by the name of Sharad Thapta. We met at JFK heading for New Dehli. He was on the plane with us and we offered him free passage through to Nepal if he would be willing to translate for us and generally be our guide. He and I became very close friends very fast...as only teenagers can do.

We left him in DillyBazzar...heading towards an unknown future, an angry family and an unwanted bride. He left me with his blue striped shirt as a token of our friendship.

We never spoke again...a letter did find me many many years later...I tried to reply but am almost sure he never got the letters I sent him. I still have that shirt. In fact it's here in Doha with me.

Although he and I never spoke again his friendship has shaped a part of who I am. It is lifelong. Even if not in practice.

pics that go the the blog below...

sorry kids my computer took a nose dive for the past few weeks... so here are some pics... the one above is in a dune buggy... zipping up a huge sand mountain in the dark...

the gauges on the buggy....

this owuld be the tent we errr "camped" in

sheesha and sofas... best way to rough it

Simone... going Quatari

the girls on NYE... the one in the middle is Melissa...and my redheaded sister in training is on the left....

the desert at sunrise... yup...that's where we "camped"

me in the buggy...after i decided i was tired of eating sand....

NYE....Cheryl, Ray, Me and Mel.....

this is me and Diane... the lady in red....

this is what i would look like with a kid.... did you all fall off your chairs?????

NYE showing some leg.....

yup cat's and kitten's this is me... in the middle east... at Garveys......on Jonny Cash night....

It's a new year, in a new country..so why does it all feel the same???

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

I hope for you all a year of dreams realized, goals met, joy had and love given.



So, I found myself thinking the other day, huh, self... here I am in a totally new country, my path before me NOTHING like what I had ever pictured for myself, facing new challenges, finding new goals, having new experiences and learning new things... so why is it all still so FAMILIAR?



It's strange, I am finding that my initial goal of coming here, "lightening my load" and stepping outside of my comfort zone (which for you who know me, know that i'm pretty comfortable ANYWHERE) is not exactly becoming realized. I am finding that the lifestyle I created for myself in Manhattan is somehow very similar to the lifestyle I am creating for myself here. (I know, go figure...) I mean, I work very hard, long days, I go out to the bars, clubs, dinner, movies, shopping, horseback riding...I already have a large and growing larger circle of friends (whom I love already) and I don't seem to have any time for things like cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, even watching TV.



It just struck me the other day how that saying "Where ever you go, there are you are" is really soooo true. I had hoped to be able to create a balance in my life, slow down a bit... be more spiritual and at peace... and...somehow... with all that hasn't changed, I feel a little closer to attaining that goal. Just having had the moxie to pick up and move to a place I had never heard of, get rid of most of my belongings (just to buy them again....lol) and face the unknown...this alone has brought me a step closer to knowing who I am, and what my place is in the big ole universe. I do feel a little more balanced. I am going to be more balanced come next month. My new friend Melissa is going to start training me. She is a marathon runner... and after two kids she looks HOTTTT. So we are going to start working out... I can't wait to start up again!



I spent NYE here in Doha. I was at Melissa's for a party and I bounced from her's to my other new friend Diane's place. She's another milf...from Australia. These two girls have motherhood, wifehood and Doha-hood down to a science. I feel truly blessed to have met them.



Then there's Simone. Simone is a girl who puts my independance and adventurousness to shame. She has managed to do something here that most westerners take years and years to achieve. She has become a part of the Qatari community. She took me out in the desert, with some of her local friends. These guys were really cool... once they accepted me into the fold, so to speak.

Had a great time... went dirtbiking, and sandbuggies and these guys know how to set up a camp. We are talking wall to wall carpeting, internet, stereo and satalite tv. Catered food, and even a shower!!!!

For me this was an eyeopening experience. Seeing how, underneath the social idiosyncrasis and cultural differences, it doesn't matter how foriegn...we are all basically the same. Here was a group of guys just hanging out... doing guy stuff...enjoying a day with no responsibilities, laughing, eating, playing...lounging...albeit in a very funny language, with very different social expectancies. But the same none the less.



Ok.. so it's late and I don't think this blog is very well put together, but I wanted to get something down before I forgot about my fun adventures in the desert, with a group of strangers, who would still be strangers if I didn't have to guts to follow the unknown.

And my great fun on New Years Eve, in a strange land full of people who are no longer strangers but, I have the strange feeling, that they are friends for life.



As for you back home, I miss you all, and know that you are in my heart always

I really need to bring a notepad with me!

So the past few days I have written some AMAZING blogs!!! in my head. The trouble is by the time I get to sit at the computer for a few min. all of the witty, smart, thought provoking sentences that I compose throughout my day, spurred by the events that I witness and the conversations that I hear, seem to vanish into smoke.

(or maybe that's the cigarette haze that seems to hover in the air in every single establishment here)

You know, as much as we all complained (and I say "we" meaning westerners) about the smoking ban, how it affected the economy, how it drove bar business down, how it was an infringement on our very rights as free people.....I am totally aware of the benefits to it. I can't tell you how much of a difference I feel in my own lungs having just been here a little over a month and spending alot of time in bars and restraunts... with poor ventilation to boot... Next time someone asks me what I miss... I will tell them it has to be smoke free establishments.

I was watching a movie the other day. "The Dutchess"

There was a scene, and in this scene, as the new husband is undressing his new wife for the first time he says something like "I have never been able to understand why womens' dresses are so confusing" or some such thing.

Her response... " You men have so many ways with which to express yourselves, we women must make do with our dresses and our hats..." This movie was set around the Golden Age or the Victorian age or something like that ( i know, I'm showing my lack of knowledge here...so sue me)

the point is... in an era when women were not allowed to have opinion, and their worth was measured by the male heirs they could produce the only form of expression and individuality allowed them was their dress. The fabrics they chose, the ornamentation they adorned themselves with, the floursh on the hats they wore.

I bring this up because just the other day I began to truly notice the womens' abayas. At first glance they all seem the same...long, black, head covering, flowing, almost ethereal like.

But when you really take notice you see that each woman, whether she covers her face fully, partially, or not at all, exercizes her right to public individual expression and personality through the adornment and ornamentation of her abaya. (as well as the choice to cover her face and to what degree)

Once I started taking notice, I became aware of how truly beautiful some of these outfits can be. Some have small piping along the edges...a more understated and shy look.

Some have crystals embedded in the hems of sleeves and the edges of the head covering...almost to the point of disco ball standards... for the woman with a big personality hidden under all that fabric.

Some have butterflies, or flowers or just swirly patters stitched on. All in about the same place but each very different, and all chosen, I am assuming, according to the personality of the woman wearing it.

In a part of the world that has the reputation worldwide as providing little room for a woman's

indiviuality and personality and self expression, you see the manifestation of those very things in the same way women hundreds of years ago felt they could openly express themselves safely.

Also, seeing soooo many people dressed soooo alike, it's easy to make the mistake of complacently disregarding the individual under the garment. "they all look the same so therefore they must be the same..." and nothing could be farther from the truth.

It just takes a little time and patience to see all the color that is here, hidden just beneath the surface of black(abaya) and white (thobe or dish-dash)....and BEIGE.

I had my first real conversation with a Qatari man the other night... while buying a chicken. (roasted of course) I was suprised at his warmth. He kindof reminded me of my father.... in a very strange and foreign way. On the surface, the traditional dress can keep you at bay. The mannerism of the culture isn't like our own... and it can be off putting and daunting. But this experience the other night and the few Qatari women I have had the fortune to meet in my chair at the salon is helping to put me at ease and to allow me to lift my own veil of misconception to see these people as the individuals that they are, not just the Arabs that we see on the news.

I found this and thought it interesting... i didn't write it however:


"For many, the native dress of Arab peoples is odd if not absurd to their modern sense of styles. Somehow they tend to see this as proof of backwardness of Arab society. However, such thinking is in itself very flawed and narrow. If we can see other cultures such as Japanese, Pakistani, or places in Russia, South America, and where culture still plays a strong role in families, people can still be seen wearing traditional clothing. The question should be asked why? Often we find that clothing not only fulfills an identity but also practical solutuions.
Upon first moving to the Middle East I found the clothing odd myself. Yet after having lived here for more than a decade, it is clear that the type and shape of the clothing serves several purposes. Naturally for the women, there is a religious fulfillment by wearing loose, long clothing that covers the woman and maintains her modesty. Secondly, there is distinct cultural connection to the type of dress worn depending upon the location.



Palestinians typically wear clothing with traditional cross stitch needle work, which is very intricate and valued. Within Saudi Arabia, women from the Asir region will wear a different type of dress compared to those of the Hijaz. Several of the dresses are interesting and different in design. Many women in Islamic countries increasingly choose to wear the hijab or scarf. And while in places like Saudi Arabia where the face cover is expected of Saudi women, many of the practicing Muslim women choose to do so of their own free will out of a sense of piety. When women go out they typically wear an Abyaya to cover normal clothes like jeans and t-shirts or maybe fancy dresses. This again is to protect the woman’s modesty and high honor in society.

As for the men, most men wear some kind of Thobe, or long white garment similar to a shirt with thin cotton pants underneath. The Thobe is perfectly suited for the hot desert climate of Saudi Arabia. The design allows air flow to cool the body. Additionally most men wear the Ghutra or Smagh which is a square scarf, made of cotton or blends, folded in a triangle and worn over the Tagiyah (a white cap). It is either all white or red and white checked. There is no significance placed on which kind the man wears. The Quran states that a man should be judged by his deeds not on his appearance so the Thobe also expresses equality.
The traditional dress may seem outdated in these ‘modern’ days, however living in this environment will quickly show any person that the long clothing protects the body from the elements and sand, and when caught in an unexpected sand storm the Ghutra protects the face and nose from the harsh elements. One soon learns to see the Thobe as an elegant form of clothing, and hey, try to keep them sparkling white day after day as they do!"