Monday, May 17, 2010

No matter where you go there you are

i guess that means that you are who you are no matter how far you try to run.
so my last blog was all doom and gloom and pity party for me. This one isn't much different....except i'm a bit more introspective.
What is it about the magical number 40...when used in years as an age, that makes most of us cringe with despair? Try to speed up processes that usually take years to develop?(ie relationships)
As women our uterises begin to scream at us that we are loosing time and there for going to loose out on opportunities...opportunities that for some of us we didn't even know we cared about.
As a single woman, who just crossed the threshold from young adult to almost middle aged...and thankfully one who does not look it, i can tell you it's not fun. In the face of what western society tells us makes us women it's hard enough. Now living in a community and dating people, as westernized as they may be, from the belief that everything revolves around family and children...being 40, single and childless is about the worst thing you can be...if you have any hope of changing the status of single and childless. Expired, i believe that's the term used by my dear friend Gigi the other night when four of us girls were talking about just this very thing. Daniella, being a baby in her early 20's, Leah- 33(ehem, sorry leah...honesty blog...), Gigi-38 and myself...the old lady of the group at 40.
We are all feeling the effects of being "singled out" because we are single. Single in an atmosphere of coupledom.

But isn't it supposed to get easier...the older we get...we shouldn't need to take 3 years to decide how we feel about a person, right?
I mean people have been coupling up for life for hundreds of years in this part of the world and the west based on a "hello" and "you're hot" or as business arrangements...and they work. Don't you think that after a few months of spending almost every day with someone you know how you feel? And what you hope to happen? Even though none of us knows the outcome of any situation.
And if you don't know .... doesn't that really mean you know what you don't feel?
Ah's all just a bunch of balony...this love thing...couple thing...relationship thing. Maybe it's meant to be for some and for others we are just meant to be something else....

I can't even begin to understand how men feel about this horrible number.

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