Long road ahead, even longer road behind...so DON'T LOOK BACK

Hi guys~!! sorry it's been a while since my last post. I have been busy...my computer was hijacked...lol and well... i haven't really had anything profound to talk about. Ok, that's not true. I have had alot to talk about, just not sure it should be posted on here...lol

Ok to start I had a wonderful Bday party that I threw for myself at the W hotel. I can't believe how many people I know here already!! I feel very lucky to have made the friends that I have.

We basically closed down the joint!

I can't believe i am 39 years old. I have been battling back and forth between feeling proud to have gotten to this age and experienced the things that I have, knowing that there is much more ahead for me. I am def. feeling a bit more grounded and comfortable in my own skin. I actually have a future goal in mind...can't disclose that yet, but I am so much closer to realizing my full potential and who I am meant to be.

On the other hand, I lookin in the mirror and think, how can I be almost 40, never having been married, no children, never even been offered an engagement ring. And all I have to do is look in that mirror long enough to see that that path was created by me... my choices... my decisions.

I'm happy with those decisions, to a point. If I had chosen any other path, made any other choices, I would not be the person I am. And I think I'm pretty great. However, I am ready for a new path in my life. One that includes a partner. One that includes commitment.

As scary as the paths that I have chosen have been (moving to Inda, Doha, Europe, etc) the scarier path is the one I have chosen to avoid. I know I am ready for that now.

And it feels good, and sad, all at the same time.

I guess so far this blog is all about recognizing the choices we make...and accepting that everything that happens to us, we created. (well as far as paths go...i'm not talking about a plane landing in your livingroom or anything like that...lol)

This blog is about everything going on in my head....about everything being a paradox in life.

You can't move forward while looking backward, but you can't know your moving forward without know where you came from.

Things here in the mid east are a paradox as well. On the one hand we all have the notion of what it is like to be Muslim...and a woman. It must suck. The oppression, the slavery, the condemnation.

But that is only one side of it. I was speaking with someone who is very knowledgeable (not muslim) and got a totally paradoxical view... that in the privacy of their own home the woman is the "king"...lol

Really what she sais goes. She doesn't cover her face in public because she is made to, but becasue she chooses to...it actually adds to her allure...

Like I said in a previous post, the outside of things here are plain, beige, black, white... but look just inside, just below the surface, and the opposite is true. Colors, vibrant and rich.

The Qataries, the few I have met, on the surface, when "covered" seem bland and without much personality. But speak with one or two of them for a few min (especially the women) and you will find them quick witted, curious, proud.

paradoxes....

There is obviously alot going on in my head.... being here in a Muslim country, not being religious myself in any way, am finding a pull for something... more... spiritual.

I won't find it here, but perhaps this is the first step in my road forward to finding that path..

I am already thinking about my next journey.

I am constantly re-reminded that if I put my energies and thoughts into focus... and focus those thoughts toward a goal it will be reached... no matter what.

With coming here, with relationships, with ...ooh that reminds me!!

My dance nights are going to happen!!! I am hosting a country dance night and a swing dance night at the Marriot here in Doha!!! Never been done before! I KNOW that if given the proper amount of time these nights will be big! I am going to try to attach the flyer... if you see it.. it worked.. if not.. then i will have to try again...

But I digress...

Sometimes the things you focus on are only going to keep you on the road...looking back. It's a tricky thing to know where you came from but only look ahead... I haven't mastered that yet....

The universe is funny. What you put out to it, it will return to you...if only to teach you a lesson.