Wednesday, July 20, 2011

wow I totally suck at this blog thing!!!!

I know I know...it's been at least 5 months...maybe more...i'm sorry. it's been a hectic year so far...
i've gotten back surgery...FINALLY....it's AMAZING~~~!!!!!
i can not belive i didn't do this sooner. I can now walk farther than a few feet without needing to stop from the pain....i can stand for hours as opposed to minutes....i have started going back to the gym...although admittedly i'm much lazier than i was when i was body bulding...MUCH...lol
I have gotten engaged....and am having my wedding celebration in South Africa in Aug. The date is the 20th.
Wow...41, healthy, engaged for the first time...getting married for the first time....living in the middle east...planning out a whole new life
It's .....FUCKING SCARY!!!!
it's amazing and wonderfaul and all that stuff they tell you it's supposed to be, but it's FUCKING SCARY!
How do you know??? How do you know that the person who asked, the person you said yes to...the person who gave you the ring you are wearing...is the RIGHT person?
Personally, I don't think you know. I think you get to a place where u are ready to take up the challenge...
lol
he's an amazing guy.....he is an amazing person....he is an amazing lo....well....you guys don' t need those details....lol
But even with that.... how do you KNOW??!!!

So, this week has been fulll of fun and games...
three of my workmates...my friends, girls i feel some protection for...made a very dumb decision and got into a very bad accident.
anyone who has ever spent any time in the middle east knows that it's an easy thing to get into a stupid accitdent here. It sometimes seems that the people learned to drive on xbox...and believe that reset buttons occur in real life as well.
THEY DO NOT
It's been tough...not only living the moment with them and being here for all of them and trying to sort through the mire as best as we all can, but also REliving all the past moments...when other sensless, incomrehensible things happened to people i love...that can not be "RESET"

these girls are all young....all beautiful...and now one is dead. One might loose her hand....and the other has been so banged up...not only physically but emotionally. all because a driver was drinking, showing off his prowess to his friend and trying to impress the hot ladies....

sorry to ramble but it really makes you think how something you do...or don't do, can cause a ripple effect for miles and miles past your current awareness....

So back to the original topic...HOW DO YOU KNOW??? Can you ever know? or can you honeslty just trust that this person is good. this person wants what is best for the both of you. that this person is WHOLE.

I...know my fiance is WHOLE. That he values me. That he want's to give me what will be best for us...and that we can grow together . And that really is all that matters.

Oh, and that, at the end of the day, neither one of us will ever look across our hospital beds to an empty chair.....

2 comments:

DesertRain said...

very sorry to hear about Layla. On a lighter note...that saffar boy better be good to you! Congrats Niki! I was one of your South African clients about 2 years ago...wow...you still in Doha!? don`t get hooked gal, we would love to have you in SA!! - keep the blogs rollin!!

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