Aloha Doha

wow I totally suck at this blog thing!!!!

2011-07-20T01:59:00.002+03:00

I know I know...it's been at least 5 months...maybe more...i'm sorry. it's been a hectic year so far...
i've gotten back surgery...FINALLY....it's AMAZING~~~!!!!!
i can not belive i didn't do this sooner. I can now walk farther than a few feet without needing to stop from the pain....i can stand for hours as opposed to minutes....i have started going back to the gym...although admittedly i'm much lazier than i was when i was body bulding...MUCH...lol
I have gotten engaged....and am having my wedding celebration in South Africa in Aug. The date is the 20th.
Wow...41, healthy, engaged for the first time...getting married for the first time....living in the middle east...planning out a whole new life
It's .....FUCKING SCARY!!!!
it's amazing and wonderfaul and all that stuff they tell you it's supposed to be, but it's FUCKING SCARY!
How do you know??? How do you know that the person who asked, the person you said yes to...the person who gave you the ring you are wearing...is the RIGHT person?
Personally, I don't think you know. I think you get to a place where u are ready to take up the challenge...
lol
he's an amazing guy.....he is an amazing person....he is an amazing lo....well....you guys don' t need those details....lol
But even with that.... how do you KNOW??!!!

So, this week has been fulll of fun and games...
three of my workmates...my friends, girls i feel some protection for...made a very dumb decision and got into a very bad accident.
anyone who has ever spent any time in the middle east knows that it's an easy thing to get into a stupid accitdent here. It sometimes seems that the people learned to drive on xbox...and believe that reset buttons occur in real life as well.
THEY DO NOT
It's been tough...not only living the moment with them and being here for all of them and trying to sort through the mire as best as we all can, but also REliving all the past moments...when other sensless, incomrehensible things happened to people i love...that can not be "RESET"

these girls are all young....all beautiful...and now one is dead. One might loose her hand....and the other has been so banged up...not only physically but emotionally. all because a driver was drinking, showing off his prowess to his friend and trying to impress the hot ladies....

sorry to ramble but it really makes you think how something you do...or don't do, can cause a ripple effect for miles and miles past your current awareness....

So back to the original topic...HOW DO YOU KNOW??? Can you ever know? or can you honeslty just trust that this person is good. this person wants what is best for the both of you. that this person is WHOLE.

I...know my fiance is WHOLE. That he values me. That he want's to give me what will be best for us...and that we can grow together . And that really is all that matters.

Oh, and that, at the end of the day, neither one of us will ever look across our hospital beds to an empty chair.....

Why does going back mean going backward?

2011-02-01T03:42:00.003+03:00

I almost made it. Four weeks in Az without one fight with the sister or mother....
So what is it about going home that make otherwise intelligent, rational minded adults revert to childhood thought processes, perceptions and fears???
I ask because this is what happens to me every time I come home.
Eventually, if I stay here long enough, the same stuff that created massive screaming matches when I was a kid, creates massive screaming matches as a 40 yr old adult...kid.

I don't care who you are or what your reasoning is for moving away from home, but that's most likely not the REAL reason.
The better job, the spouse with the house in another country, the running from the cops...etc.
At the core...if you didn't want to get away from your familial home and the family you were born(or adopted) into you could def def def find a way to stay.
But for most of us who have moved not only out of town, but to a whole other country, I'm gonna guess it's to get away from the exhaustion of what being around our families mean to us.

For me...it's def about feeling axhausted. Don't get me wrong, I love love love my family. But it's exhausting.
I feel like I can relax and just be ME when I'm not living here. Like it's MY life and MY choices. And that's not to say that other people and their needs don't matter, because the certainly do, but at the end of the day there isn't all that other childhood crap clogging up the works.

I love being here with my family, but I eventually always begin to feel...well...like I am re-becoming who I was when I left. And I like who I am when I'm not here much better. Although I know I am better equiped to handle the pressures of family and all that that entails, it's still...i don't know the right way to say this...it's still like a slow regression...that I'm not really in control of. Slipping into old habits, old rears, old expectations. And having that almost asked of you.
It's like sand being removed one layer at a time by a gentle wind...eroding the sand dune and spreading out what makes it IT...
Until it's just a flat space where it's got to start all over again to become a dune.
urgh..does that make any sense? Guess going from one desert to the other is messing with my head...lol

But I have to admit...each time I come home it feels more and more like home. More than it did before I ever left.
I wonder if that means I'm finally growing up?

NAAAAHHHHHHHH......

it's a new year...and a new outlook....

2011-01-25T01:46:00.002+03:00

Well...seems I'm still shit at keeping up with the blogging, but I've recently received a few random exchanges with people who have just found..AND READ...this blog and they geve me the incentive to get back at it.
Thanks all!!!
Ok...so what's been going on since August?
Well...I went to Shanghai for a few days. That was a great city. It reminded me of what NYC circa 1970's was probably like. Seedy with the urge to be glam. Raw with the need of refinement. Dark and light at the same time. Something on the verge of becoming something else.
And then i realized that that's me.

Ok..so flash forard to New Years. Oh, wait...let's back up just a little... so about Oct time I met Michael Bowen. Mutual friends, yadda yadda...I was hosting a stand up open mic night a t Lava lounge. A friend of mine came in to try his hand at comedy and brought Mike. Well..needless to say Mike cracked me up and captivated my attention. And my hand as I recal.
We spent that night out on the town(a school night mind you) till about 4 am.
A few dates later...one big ole fight where he was just being a big dummy head, 4months later...and here we are....Making plans for OUR future...but more about that in a moment.

So...we planned on heading out to Phx for New Year's Eve...
sometime between getting on the plane and jan 2nd my L4-L5 disk exploded. We went to the Thompson Peak Scottsdale Emergency room, got a new MRI done and was basically not allowed to leave. I was in surgery about 45 min after having the MRI.
Turns out there were a lot of things going on. The disk had been laying on some nerves for a long time that were preventing my bladder from functioning properly so i had a baaad infection there...as well as causing my kidneys to not work right. Along with the hardening around the nerves from laying on them for so long, that when the disk exploded it was actually a blessing.
Thank God for Dr. Paul Gause!! He is an amazing surgeon. The pain of surgery doesn't come close to the pain I have been in for so long...with no real relief in sight. I was told for so long that nothing was really that wrong and there was nothing to be done about it...But when the thing exploded it was like...OH...I GUESS SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE....lol
I'm on the mend and feeling sooo much better. I am able to stand and walk. My bladder doesn't hurt...kidneys are working well...
YAY
So, Mike was here for the surgery and for almost a week after. He was amazing!! He really took care of me, looked after me, made sure I didn't overdo, and pushed me to get out of bed and move around...even if it was only down the hall of the hotel...
He didn't loose his shit on me when I was being a pain in the ass...which, if you know me, I can be...
and thru it all he was as loving as anyone can ever hope for.

After he left I decided to stay in the hotel for a few more days before going to my mom's. If you know my mom you will know why...the house is a landmine...and i didn't want to be a bother to her. She's on dyalisis and can't do too much herslf...so having to take care of me would have been too much. So the hotel was a great option. Housekeeping, room service...and the nurse from the hospital came by to check on me.

I'm at Mom's now. It's been good to be here w her...but tough too. I hate having to be in one place. I'm rarely ever sitting still...so sittiing here in the house, with no tv, staring at my mother...while she stares at me...AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH
lol
I'm doing PT. It's going well. Stretching and massage and such. I have to really force myself to do it...little by little. I'm not a little by little kinda girl. I feel better than I have in years...I want to start body building again...but not just yet says Dr Gauss.
Three months. But I should be able to get back to doing everything I used to.
Well...perhaps with the exception of bullriding...lol

Ok...back to Mike and me...so weare talking about the future. It's an awesome feeling for me. I've never ever ever been with some with whom I can talk about future plans and feel like they might actually happen...ok let's be honest... I have never been with someone with whom I could talk about future plans....lol

Looks like eventually we might end up in either SE Asia or South Africa. But that's a while away yet...
I am also getting closer to knowing what I want to do with my life... because being an employee AINT it.
I am taking the TEFL online program...if you don't know what it is, it's Teaching English as a Foreign Language.
I will earn a certification that should allow me to teach english to non english speakers worldwide.
So having this will help with my future goal....I'm not going to put it down here yet as I'm still not in a position to do it and idon't want any of you to steal my idea...lol
But...if anyone reading this is part of a program, group or non profit that deals in capacity building projects please email me at nikired@att.net and we can talk..

so a few more weeks here then back to Doha. and Mike.
Yay Mike...boooo Doha

Oh ok so Mike...he's South African/Welch...interesting accent...lol
he's in IT for the past 13 years...no i don't really know what that means either...lol
He has just received his FGASA certifications...(that's ranger/tracker training) and his frflery certs. He is looking to go into natrure conservation and really wants to get back to SA and work in one of the reserves.
We are thinking about getting our diving certs as well as off roading certs in April.
So that where ever he goes, I can go too....
So see, what I said at the beginning of this blog is true.
I am on the verge of becoming something other than what I've been. And it feels really good to finally have someone in my life whom not only do I make better...but who also is interested in making me a better, stronger person too.
It's always been one sided before. Me helping the other person accheive. Grow. Accept. Expand.
Now...for the first time ever...it's mutual. And it feels amazing to valued like that.

So thanks to everyone who reads this...i promise to try to be more on top of it. And when ever I happen to leave the middle east I have a ton of stuff to say...that I cant' say now.(censorship and all...)lol
ok ciao for now...and wish me luck on the TEFL ...
ugh, haven't studied in YEARS!!!!!

2010-09-06T23:18:00.002+03:00

Hi all...I know I was meant to be better at this blogging thing...but quite honestly it's tough trying to get time to write. Between traveling for the month back in the states (the story of which I will regale you with shortly), to working, to partying, to trying to get to sleep before midnight...well...blogging kindof takes a back seat. But, here I am.
Ok...so tonight I was at dinner with two friends. One of whom is a new friend. She is an aide worker who has lived, among other places, in Afghanistan and Lebanon. She was living in an area of Afganistan where the local gang guys took over the neighborhood for weeks...and she tells this story with a smile on her face. (cool!) I also found out during this conversation that she's Quaker!!! Didn't see that one coming. But after hearing about the belief system of the Quakers I can understand how she got into the area of employ that she did. Cool Cool chick.

We alked about what has been gong on here in this part of the world and I am struck again by how clueless I really am...and that's by design. I don't really want to know. It's easier not to know. Until it's in your face.
I met a guy here...at the pool at the Intercon. Cool guy. Hip. Loud. Crass. Lebanese. Scarred over half his body. His man chest has scars on it that look like he had a bad breast reduction. I asked our mutual friend about it.
Turns out when he was 8 and living in Lebanon he and his brother were wandering around the neighborhood. His brother found something...roundish...smallish...and cool looking. He was tossing and catching it when he missed the catch and it dropped to the ground. Exploding. It was a cluster bomb dropped by the US during one of the skirmishes there. Blowing up both brothers.
Thankfully the one I met (obviously) survived. he was put back together. he smiles every day. Tells dirty jokes. has a good career. But after speaking with him for just a little while I wonder if he is ever going to be put back together...on the inside.
That's when the reality of the situation here in the middle east hits home

I was having lunch with a friend. He's Jordanian. Sweet guy. Funny guy. Very western in his thoughts, his manner, his behavour.
All he wants is to get out. He was born here in Qatar, but he is Jordanian. I have a hard time understanding that. In the US ifyou are born there you are American. No matter where your parents are from. But not here. And for Jordanians its hard. Having been born here he is still considered a 3rd class person. Not even a citizen. He's not allowed a real job. He is treated as an outsider in the country to which he was born. Because of his heritage.
He doesn't belong here. Anywhere in the middle east. He's western thru and thru, yet he may never get the opportunity to realize his full potential simply because of where his passport was issued.

I see that alot here. Most people here are really from here... but some... some just shouldn't be here. They are too western. Too open. Too liberal. And yet they are trapped in a society they don't really identify with. Because of who their passport says they are.
Because of the few radical idots who make the rest of the world afraid of everyone with the same heritage.
That makes me sad.

So...just got back from my trip home. In a nutshell...it wasn't very fun. But I am glad I got the things done I set out to do.
Landed in NYC. Spent a few days with Karen which was nice, although I only made it into the city once. Bklyn is good but I really need a car there.
Got my things from Len's moms'. That was tough. She's been my surrogate mom for 8 years. And to say goodbye to her was hard for me. But I'm glad that I am FINALLY (i know guys i know) moving past all of that.
Toni came from Ohio and for one day the three of us were together again. The u-haul drive to Ohio was easy...as Toni drove the whole way...THANKS TONI.
It ws lovely being in Ohio. I really have to say I do like it there.
Now for the real fun. So a person I had met here in Doha, but who lives in San Diego came to Ohio to make the drive with me back to AZ. For some reason I thought it was a good idea to get my car to Az...dunno why...but I digress.
It was meant to be a fun trip. It was meant to be a getting reaquanted and see if we still really dig each other trip. IT WAS NOT!
From the outset this guy was my idea of not fun!
Let's just say...the first 20 miles of a 6 day journey included being lectured about why women should NOT have the right to their own bodies. (abort or not to abort...that is the question) now...what ever your beliefs may or may not be...don't bully me into thinking yours are right. I will come back at you like a spider monkey. If you know me at all you can imagine how much FUN it was to be in that car.
"If a woman chooses to have sex then she must take responsibility for her actions. She can always give the baby up for adoption after she gives birth if she doesn't want it". "A woman having the choice removes all choice for the man"
OH MY GOD
let's just say it was 6 days of really good practice in self control.
Don't getme wrong...this person in my car was not an evil person. Not a bad person. Just a very .... er ...self rightous person.
A gentleman. Handsome. Talented. Just not...er...someone I think I need to ever travel with again.
Let's just leave it at that....

The drive from Ohio to Az was 6 days. Two nights spent in Nashville. What a shame about Nashville. What a shame about most of the middle of our great country. The drive was in some ways heartbreaking. The amount of jobs lost because of what is happening to our economy.
Entire shopping malls closed down. Independatly owned shops boarded up. Rows upon rows of them. In any given shopping area...the only storefronts open were nat'l chains. If there were 20 storefronts in a stripmall...3 might be open for business.
It really made me afraid to think of coming home and trying to open my own shop right now. But then again i have a friend in Nyc who is opening 2...hmmmmm....

I did write a bit while on the trip and am posting it below...unedited... because it's how i was feeling at the time.

And on that note my lovelies..it's midnight. I need my sleep.

Oh p.s. I am going to be back in Az for back surgery. My mom is still hanging in there...and I met a great guy from Oz...I'm telling you...one day I will live there!!!!
See you for the next installment of Aloha Doha....very soon...
I swear...
no...really, I won't wait so long next time...
trust me!!!!

So I’m into the last day of my first week back in the states… been in nyc so far…and haven’t done much but will try to remember what transpired day to day.

Day 1- Land. Karen picks me up from the airport. We go to her house and then directly to the little bar across the street that she has dubbed her second home. Nothing too exciting.

Day 2- same. fall asleep at 5pm and don’t wake till 7am….

Day 3- beach with Steve Billman. Had a nice day. Haven’t been to LB in a long time. I can’t believe how expensive things have gotten. $12 to get on the beach. We pick up Karen’s friend Tally from the airport. Now there are three of us in the apt. Dinner with Albie and then to bed.

Day 4- head to the city. Nice day. Again didn’t do too much. Lunch w Nadia, drinks with Chip. Off to Deva to get a haircut and say hi to the crew…dinner with Shari, Marion and Vanessa. Take a cab back to bklyn…only the cabbie gets lost and I end up at lga for 2 hrs. have to jump in another cab to get home.

Day 5- Karen, Tally and I head to North Jersey for some horseback riding. What a beautiful day. You can’t believe you are in Jersey where we were. DoubleD Ranch. Nice folks. Nice horses. Sad story. The owner was told a few weeks ago that he only has until Jan 18^th to live. He has pancreatic cancer. You can’t tell at all. He’s very kind, strong and looks healthy as a horse with a great disposition. Our guide told me as we were on our ride. We rode for 7 hrs. Tally almost fell off. I almost killed a horse by letting the reins slip over his head and he stepped through. That was scary. But we got him out.

Day 6- Boooring. Bfast with Karen. And that’s about it for the day. I proceed to have 4 mimosas and then 3 vodka martinis….i’m asleep by 3 in the afternoon. Bday dinner for Kristen at ACE hotel then swing 46 with Tommy.

Day 7- Beach with Karen, Tally and Tommy then pick up Toni and the airport. Dinner then sleep.

Day 8- now Toni and I are waiting on Karen to get her butt out of bed so we can get to LI, get my scissors sharpened, pack up the uhaul(first get the uhaul), grab a bite and head back to bklyn.

Leave tomorrow. All in all it’s been very expensive and I haven’t really done much. I guess they say you can’t go back for a reason. I love my friends. I love nyc. But I really can’[t believe I managed to spend over $1000 just eating and drinking. Ok, I did buy a tomtom ($250). And a sonicare toothbrush ($250). Oh and the horseride($200)

Today is the packing. I am not looking forward to facing Len’s mom. She has been like a mom to me as well for the past 8 years…well…. On and off. I know she’s disappointed things didn’t work out between her son and I. I know she feels like I might be taking it out on her by taking the bed… I am looking forward to talking to her. Saying goodbye and hopefully sharing with her my feelings and thoughts and letting her know that no matter what she is and always will be important to me.

Ok, so…Sun went smoothly. Went to Li to get my things. It was great to see Paul and Cindy. I just wish it was for a different reason. I am so grateful to them for holding my things at their house for this long.

After that went to Jackie’s…Len’s mom. It was hard seeing her to say goodbye like that but it was good as well. I had a talk with her and let her know that no matter what she will always be important to me and if she ever needed anything she should be sure to let me know.
She told me I was like a second daughter to her. I cried a little bit..because that’s what I do…ugh.

Karen kept my bed. Now she no longer lives like a wolf puppy with a little nest on the floor…lol

Toni and I left at 5 am the next day. It was a nice ride. (she drove the uhaul the whole way) wow… I forgot what it was like to pay real gas prices…!!!!

It cost me $200 just in gas for the uhaul. This trip is more expensive than my trip last Aug to S.Africa!!! And I’m not really doing anything.

So here we are at Toni’s house. Gosh it is beautiful here. I am so proud of her. The three of us, Toni, Karen and myself were having a reminisce the other day and we all remarked how Toni was always the wild one. The one who was lost. Karen was the one who needed….just needed. Help. Attention. Justification. Money. Etc.etc.etc.

And I was the mommy. I took care of everyone. I had my shit more together than the two of them combined. I was the voice of reason. I was the one who picked up the slack…financially, when things needed to be done. When someone needed to be reigned in…etc etc etc.

And now….Toni, the youngest of the three is the most mature. The most established. The one with the husband, kid, three dogs, beautiful house on 3 acres, horses, travels…etc etc etc. She is now the wise sage. The voice of reason for us other two.

Karen has had a few hard years where she became a bit of a recluse… but she has pulled herself out of it. Gotten a place to live that is more like an adult. It’s more together. As is she.

It’s in Greenpoint. Great neighborhood. Great flat. She’s a bit more savvy with her money. She’s toned down a little.

Then there’s me. I have regressed. I used to be the one who was together. Now I feel like I’m lost all the time. I was the one with the cash. Now I’m the one wondering what the hell happened to making good money. Don’t get me wrong…I love traveling. I just feel like I’m stuck in a job with no profession. I don’t want to be behind a chair for the rest of my life with nothing to show for it.

I’m afraid to decide where I want to plant roots. I’m afraid to start a career…open my own salon…alone.

Im afraid of failing. I’m afraid of tying myself to a place or a career that I will hate. I’m afraid of not living up to my own expectations so therefore I’m afraid to have any expectations of myself. I’m afraid of growing up and I’m scared shitless that I never will.

When did this happen? When did the fearless Niki leave and this scared one enter?

I want a partner. I want a home. I want to live like a responsible adult with goals and dreams.

I want to travel. I want to be free. I want to live life on my terms.

I need to feel useful. I need to be productive. I need to give and receive love.

So day two in Ohio. Yesterday we got in about 3 in the afternoon. We showered and went for sushi. By the time that was over we were wiped out from the day.

Today we got up at 8 30, went to plant flowers for Toni’s sister in law, unloaded the truck, took it to the truck return place, came home, went back out to pick up wine and Chinese food(yay), ate and before I knew it it was 9pm. I’m pooped.

I wouldn’t mind moving here. But again I’m afraid. If I were to move here I would want a house. And that would require money which would require a job. That offered more than a commission. And that doesn’t happen.

I really need to open my own place and I’m afraid of that. How do I do the research? How do I know where to go? How do I start? Ugh…

Ok… so last night we had a “dinner party” of sorts. We went shopping and i cooked. Yes folks, me.. I, myself, cooked for 7 ppl. Four types of fish marinated in my own recipe…

White wine, lemon, honey(lavender in this case), minced garlic, honey mustard, horseradish mustard, salt, pepper, and some herbs from Toni’s garden. A mozzarella caprese salad (mozzarella, duh, fresh tomato, onion, hearts of palm, artichoke hearts and asparagus) for that I made a balsamic reduction with honey and jack daniels.

Grilled up some sliced onion, carrots and yams with an oil, balsamic, brown sugar, honey, garlic glaze. Yummmmmmmm

Before we(I) cooked we went to the back of the property and did some shooting. Yes, we’re hicks (and I am still one at heart) Such a good time. And I did pretty good too I have to say.

Rode a little bit yesterday. The horse (Gabe) tried to buck me off..apparently my leg is too soft for English and to strong for western Gabe. Lol

Today was nice. Went to the barn and rode a bit. Mostly just sat in the sun and read my book. Toni says I don’t know how to relax, and that she is going to teach me the fine art of relaxing. Ha, this coming from the woman who starts most of her days at 6 am and doesn’t stop till after 10 at night. I have to say I am soo impressed at how she manages to get EVERYTHING and I mean everything done that is on her agenda, and make it look so easy. Not only does she work 5-7 days a week caring for 20 horses, teaching lessons, creating and prepping summer camps at the barn, she alos takes care of the 11 yr old daughter, her husband, three dogs, a large house, 3 acres of land that she is landscaping herself, grocery shop, etc. She still finds time to go shopping for plants for her sister in law, as well as go over there and plant them for her, take care of her mother and me while I am here and still has time to sit and read and RELAX. Oh, add to that kickboxing in the summer and snowboard lessons in the winter. I don’t know how she does it.

I work 5 days a week. 10 to 7. And I feel like have no time for anything for myself. I have a lot to learn I guess.

Ok. So rode and read. Trying not to freak out about the fact that I am almost 2 weeks into my vacation and I feel like I haven’t really done anything. I feel like I should be looking for extension clients, or taking more classes (although I did take one) or SOMETHING.

We are going swing dancing tonight maybe. Should be interesting. It’s held at the local Jr. High school…lol

I do like it out here. So green. Almost countrified like the west but still with some citified refinements in the way people deal with one another. Not backwoods. The other night toni, Olya and I went to River Run, it’s a bar up the street. They had the “Girls gone Wild” van there doing their tour of the U.S. we went just out of a morbid sort of curiousity. Ugh. That’s all I have to say about that… lol

But fun nonetheless…

Sitting here I am thinking about my life. I am happy with the adventures I have had. This one, in Qatar is great. But I am realizing (belatedly) that all of the moving, running, searching has all been in an attempt to learn who I am, but also a good way of avoiding learning the very thing I seem to be seeking. I don’t know if I am any closer now to that goal than I was at 20. In fact I think I am farther from knowing myself, what makes me happy nad what I want out of life than I ever was because I feel like I have lost so much time looking for it, I have lost sight of what I was looking for. Oh gosh, does that make any sense at all?

So, E. V.T. is joining me tomorrow. Let’s see how that goes. It’s been over a year since we met but we have never really spent much time together… 4 days in a car ought to be a good test to whether or not you really like someone. Ugh

Oh boy oh boy oh boy…so I am currently driving cross country with the Republican poster boy!!!! Nice enough guy but man do we have very very different views on …. Erm…. EVERYTHING!!!!

I don’t know when I have ever felt so passively judged before…oh yes I do… but we’ll save that for another time.

So I am currently in Dallas…well on the outskirts of Dallas at E’s brother’s house. He lives here with his wife and kid. Great house. But I remember why I don’t like suburbia. TOOOOO many malls….tooo many chain restaurants. Tooooo little diversity.

So we went from Ohio to Nashville. Nashville is not how I remembered it from those many years ago. It’s still cool-ish, but very commercialized. And much smaller than I remembered it. From there we went to Memphis. Did the Graceland thing. Disappointing. I have decided once and for all that I don’t like touristy kitsch. And that when vacationing cities are not my choice destinations. They are all the same. Where ever you go in the world. Eat, drink, look at whatever it is they say that city is known for…which, quite often is much less appealing in person. Memphis was sad. Graceland was so much smaller and cheesier than I expected.

From there we went to Little Rock. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by how quaint, clean and friendly it was there. But also really shocked at how modern and fancy it was. Again we only spent a night in the city center of each place so I have no idea what the town as a whole was like. They all looked the same, same shopping, same downtown area. Same crappy food.

Now we are in a suburb of Dallas. Nice. Wealthy. But the same. Bleh.

I do have to say this is not how I envisioned my trip. I was looking forward to taking the back roads. Seeing the country not just the cities off the highway. I can’t even quite remember why I thought this was a good idea in the first place. But I am thinking that if I come back to the states Ohio, Nashville or Little Rock might be some good places to start.

Went to an Aveda salon here ….Tangerine. Got a blow out and pedicure. $90!!!! That’s on the outskirts of Dallas! That says something is wrong with the prices that we are charging in Doha. We def. need to raise our prices just a little bit.

I am looking forward to getting home. Seeing my sister. Seeing my mom.

Az was good...Hot..114 some days...but good. This is probably the first time I have gone home and just really enjoyed being with my family. I spent some real quality time with my sis and my mom. And i didn't feel trapped. Like gnawing off my own arm. Like filling every spare min. with someone other than family in order to get away from them. I just simply enjoyed them for who they are. And WOW what a different feeling it was.

Every time i have gone home in the past it was hard. It felt smothering. And, in the end, when it was time for me to leave...the fighting would start. I realized on this trip that they love me. They miss me. And when I leave they are hurt that I am abandoning them again to go and live my life without them. And when I come home they feel that I STILL live my life outside of them. And it hurts them. That makes me sad.

But because if this it makes going home hard for me. To know that ther will be fights just when I'm ready to leave. To know that they are hurt...I feel bad. I feel guilty. I feel.

So I don't go. I don't go so I don't feel these things.

But this time i didn't feel like that. It felt good.

Saw mom's dr. He said she could have only 3 months to live....or it could be 12...he's not sure. It depends on her. How she cares for herself. If she changes some things to reduce the swiftness of her decline....or not.

I need back surgery.

Spent some time with a friend...he's such a good guy. Just in a shitty place in his life. Aren't we all?

It would be great to be with someone who was in a better position than me...for once. Someone who can make me a better person instead of it always being the other way around. Pha.

Leaving today. I don't want to go back to Doha. But I can't honestly say that I want to stay here either. I'm 40. I don't have a whole lot longer to figure my shit out before I become a walking cliche.

I'm gonna miss you guys this time. I'll see you soon.

[N1]

No matter where you go there you are

2010-05-17T15:27:00.002+03:00

i guess that means that you are who you are no matter how far you try to run.
so my last blog was all doom and gloom and pity party for me. This one isn't much different....except i'm a bit more introspective.
What is it about the magical number 40...when used in years as an age, that makes most of us cringe with despair? Try to speed up processes that usually take years to develop?(ie relationships)
As women our uterises begin to scream at us that we are loosing time and there for going to loose out on opportunities...opportunities that for some of us we didn't even know we cared about.
As a single woman, who just crossed the threshold from young adult to almost middle aged...and thankfully one who does not look it, i can tell you it's not fun. In the face of what western society tells us makes us women it's hard enough. Now living in a community and dating people, as westernized as they may be, from the belief that everything revolves around family and children...being 40, single and childless is about the worst thing you can be...if you have any hope of changing the status of single and childless. Expired, i believe that's the term used by my dear friend Gigi the other night when four of us girls were talking about just this very thing. Daniella, being a baby in her early 20's, Leah- 33(ehem, sorry leah...honesty blog...), Gigi-38 and myself...the old lady of the group at 40.
We are all feeling the effects of being "singled out" because we are single. Single in an atmosphere of coupledom.

But isn't it supposed to get easier...the older we get...we shouldn't need to take 3 years to decide how we feel about a person, right?
I mean people have been coupling up for life for hundreds of years in this part of the world and the west based on a "hello" and "you're hot" or as business arrangements...and they work. Don't you think that after a few months of spending almost every day with someone you know how you feel? And what you hope to happen? Even though none of us knows the outcome of any situation.
And if you don't know .... doesn't that really mean you know what you don't feel?
Ah hell..it's all just a bunch of balony...this love thing...couple thing...relationship thing. Maybe it's meant to be for some and for others we are just meant to be something else....

I can't even begin to understand how men feel about this horrible number.

itwhat i've been up to and musings...sorry if i ruin your day....

2010-05-05T07:53:00.003+03:00

It's been far too long since my last post .... like since Aug ...
sorry about that folks. I had been struggling a bit with the realities that I can't be totally candid here. Everything is monitered, and it's such a small community that whatever is said or read will get back to you or someone who could have you deported. So the juicy stuff I will just hve to save till I leave here for good.
That's not to say that it's all doom and gloom. Far from it. The people I have met and the friends I have made, the places I travel to and the experience are all worth the little bit of oddity that my western sensibilities struggle with here.
Ok ... what's been going on since Aug ... well .. since then I took a trip to India. Went to Goa, stayed for a few hours, hated it (it reminded me of Tiajauana) and then went off to Kerala. Beautiful place. Very colonialized. Loved the fact that Hindus, Muslims, Christians and Jews live side by side on this side of the world and it seems to work well. See ... in my western mind I can't believe that I would even notice that, but here ... on this side of the planet, that is a rare find.
Went to Sri Lanka .... Hikkaduwa. LOVED IT. I went with my friend Leah and we made friends with these 3 great guys ... Fish, Neil, and Jimmy. They are from Wales and I know they will be a part of my life for many many years.
Leah just went to Wales to visit them ... I was supposed to go but with this and that it didn't happen.
Speaking of this and that ... why does it seem that no matter how far I go ... where I turn, how many times I make a point of making a "different" choice, I keep ending up in the same place? I am (was?) Seeing someone here ... have known him since I moved here ... started dating about 4 months ago ... and right now ... I feel like I am dating Len all over again. It's not a nice feeling to feel that you are good enough to make someone else feel special, but not good enough to actually BE special in their eyes.
I don't know, maybe I am meant to just travel the world alone ....
Speaking of Len, I saw him for the first time since Oct. the other night at a party. Talk about awkward .... He actaully thought it was ok to talk to me. No appology about his treatment of me ... no "hey .. here is the money I owe you for that speeding ticket" ... small talk ... ugh ... i don't care to hear your small talk.
(So seems this blog is going to be a bitch session, sorry)
What is it about the way we are made up that keeps us making the same decisions over and over again, even when we are cognisant of making what we are certain are diffierent ones?

Ok ... so here is the gist of my angst today ... one month ago i turned 40. I turned 40 in the middle east. Single. No kids. Dating a 32 yr old Egyptian man who isn't sure how he feels about me longterm but knows he wants kids. And truth is I am not sure how much longer I will be able to have them ... if I even can now. I wasted 8 years of fertility with a manchild who was never ever going to commit to me and I am missing those lost opportunities. How did I become 40, never married, never engaged and, it seems, destined to be good enough for now ...
The funny part about this is men from this part of the world, after 3 or 4 months are thinking seriously about marriage ... I thought my chances were moving to the plus side here ... HA even men who get engaged after 3 weeks don't want to marry me. Anyone have any insight into my faults and failures? Because I think I need all the help I can get here ....
(Wow. .. woke up in a pity party kind of mood)

Ok ... moving on ... next I went to Egypt with said man. Spent time with his family. I was struck by how awesome and intelligent and forthcoming and loving his family is. He has two younger brothers. Both engaged. Both lovely. His mother is sweet, quiet, caring and very very feminine. And funny.
His dad ... his dad reminded me so much of my late father. His manners, his speach patterns, the way he tells a story, like every detail is the most important detail for you to know. Witty, intelligent beyond measure, fair, generous, and stern. I can see my Egyptian boy growing into a man like his father once he has kids. But for now he's just a big, kind-hearted, narcisistic child.
Egypt was great .... only there two days, but I got to do the one thing I wanted to do which was ride horses near the pyramids. Yeah!!!

Just got back from a quick two day trip to Jordan with my friend Gigi. AMAZING. You should all try to get there one day. It's awesome to see the things that people were capable of doing, under such harsh conditions thousands of years ago. And to think that it's sortof familiar to us ... if you have ever read the bible or the koran or the torah, than the places you can go to see are somewhat familiar to you. It's all there .....

So the people in Jordan are just stunning. Beautiful blue and green eyes with cocoa and sand colored skin, dark hair, fine features. Friendly people too. Such a stark contrast to the public reserve of the Qatari people here.
We were openly approached by gaggles of schoolgirls wanting to talk english with us ... (or in one case rap an M & M song at us ...)
We stopped at the side of the road to milk a camel because our driver was thirsty ... THAT WAS AWESOME

Next I am coming home ... Nyc July 25th ... then to Ohio then Az ... back to the sandpit Aug 25 ...
that reminds me .. I need to buy my ticket and soon ...
Pics can be seen at my facebook page...www.facebook.com / album.php? Aid = 410162 & id = 752845005 & = 7151fb8196

nikizcolorz on facebook ....

ok ... sorry for the sad sack stuff today, but hey ... i decided to be as honest and open as i can be without getting myself deported ... hahaha ...
and today this is how i feel. I promise to keep updated better from now on. Would love to hear from you ... comments, advice. anything.
ciao for now ...

Travel A-plenty....

2009-11-04T21:01:00.002+03:00

Sorry it's been so long... not too much to talk about here as far as new Qatar news goes.
I did, however, FINALLY make it to S. Africa!!!!
http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=197114485398&id=299184330507#/album.php?aid=299764&id=752845005

http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=197114485398&id=299184330507#/album.php?aid=299768&id=752845005

http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=197114485398&id=299184330507#/album.php?aid=297939&id=752845005

http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=197114485398&id=299184330507#/album.php?aid=297449&id=752845005

click the links for pics of SA....

I have lots of rambling musings i wrote while on my trip there... just have to get motivated to reread them and put them here.... next post....

Then I went to India!!! Gosh, I had forgotten how much I love India!!!

http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=197114485398&id=299184330507#/album.php?aid=325940&id=752845005

pics from India....

this post is lame, other than to give you guys the pic links...I am sooooooo Tired!!!!

OH< I have a pup...
I ordered a pizza and got a dog.
Left my door open to get the pizza and when i came back in there was a small white doggie sitting on my sofa....
guess he knew i needed a man in my life...
so now i have a blind cat named Ray Charles,
a gimpy cat named Ally
and a stray dog named Hank Moody....
CALGON TAKE ME AWAY.....

an adventure within an adventure

2009-07-30T07:46:00.002+03:00

Hi all!! Sorry it's been a while.. "Someone" kept erasing the history on my computer thus erasing certain cookies therefore leaving me having to guess how to get into this blog account....and it took a while as you can see, but no fear, I remembered where I hid the password info and here I am..two days before I leave for South Africa for August.
I KNOW!!! I am almost as excited for me as you are!!!! I remember looking into volunteer trips to SA 8 years ago, and finding a company that I thought I'd like to sign up with. Unfortunately things never worked out, and that co. seems to have vanished.
But being here, I thought if I passed up the opportunity to do this, I would never forgive myself. And not really having any clear cut idea of how long I am going to be here, it's now or possibly never.
I have added a link to the website of the group I am going with. The packages I am doing are Siyufunda Bush Experience and Noah's Ark Rehabilitation Center in Namibia.
Check them out.
I'm also thinking about a trip to Morocco in Nov. Anybody want to join?
Ok, so a brief update...Len was here...and now he is back in NY. We went back to NY for a wedding and I stayed about 10 days. We knew we were taking him back and he was going to stay for the summer, but I didn't know I was going to question whether or not to have him back here with me.
Needless to say, as you can see by my last few posts, Ozzie and Harriet we were not....lol
but this leads me to a question.
What defines a "RELATIONSHIP"? What creates a lifelong, mutually beneficial, loving partnership? What really is love? Is it the fullfilment of all of your expectations by another?
Is it not being able to go more than a few days without hearing that person's voice...even if there are other people in your lives...(you know what I mean)...
is it being able to count on someone being there for you when you need to lean or is it knowing that you can do the leaning?
At what point does a person say, well, I may not be getting a,b and c that would make this a traditional parnership, but in a traditional setting I wouldn't get d,e and f....
Ok so I'm ranting.. I figured if I wrote out what I was thinking I could make more sense of it... but nope..I was wrong...lol
So here I am in Doha, and I am finally going to realize a goal of mine...SA!!! Volunteer style!!!!!
Animals!!!! Learning about conservation!!!! It really is exciting to know that whatever I put my mind to I usually accomplish....now to just picture that wedding....lol
(and that salon I will own one day)
So I am off on my adventure....I will post more when I get back...wish me luck that I stay injury free...

I will say this...everyone needs to get out of thier comfort zone for an extended period of time to really see who they are and what they want. I think when you do the same thing day in and day out you loose sight of YOU. Sometimes it takes going to a country you have never heard of to find yourself again.

Oh..and while we are at it.. if I write it I will do it...so, when I get back from SA, barring any injuries, I am joinging a kickboxing dojo as well as yoga. And I will start riding again, even if it means I have to get up at stupid-o-clock to do it!

You need a little country in what ever country you happen to be in!!!

2009-05-31T22:57:00.007+03:00

A good time was had by all

DJ Glenn

Dance lessons...Having fun?

Me and Len...Proof that cowboy hats make ANY man look better

So, I finally did it! I had my country night... two in fact. And I have to say, I am very proud of myself.

Birthday party at Cowboy Up

The first night was May 9th...sold out at 80 ppl. The dance instructors were great, and at one time we had over 40 ppl taking the dance lesson. The food was great and everyone left smiling...even if they didn't exactly walk out...lol (stumbled is more like it...)

The second night was last night...and it was great too...a few less people, which is to be expected, this was a big weekend here in Doha. Three or four different events happened, as well as a lot of people being out of the country right now. But all in all it was a pretty good turnout. Mostly new faces, so I'm getting the word out there...We are going to be doinbg it agian at the end of July.

It's cool, I'm here only 6 months, but I have the opportunity to do something I could never do in my other life. I am adding something to the lives of the people here.

After both of the country nights people came up to me and thanked me...thanked me for bringing something new to Doha. Thanked me for creating an event where they felt comfortable.. but most of all, thanked me for bringing a little taste of home to them here... in the Middle East, where, although things look similar, nothing is familiar. That was my intention with this night. Not just so that I could have a place to dance, but to answer a need. One that we all have here. To have a bit of home with us. Even though we all chose to move away from our homes, we are all still looking for something familiar. Homey.

And nothing says homey more than BBQ ribs...lol

I came out here to start new. Begin again...no, that's not even right.. not begin agian... but,

to find a new path. Let's see if I can make that happen...

Hope you enjoy the pics... I know this post is lame, but I'm tired. Had a big night last night...lol

Oh I have a new Vonage number... 516 913-4231

you can call me on this number and it's just like calling NY. No international charges and if you are in ny there are no long distance charges either.

Oh yeah, I can't believe I almost forgot. Len and I went to Dubai the other day. We stayed with my friend Lee (you will remember him from pics from earlier postings)

We went to Atlantis and the Atlantis aquarium.

It was kinda cool. Def nice to get out of Doha for a day or two. It was def more humid in Dubai, but it was much more familiar looking. A proper city. Proper roads. Shinier. Cleaner. Less...er...sand.

Line dancing Doha style....

Long road ahead, even longer road behind...so DON'T LOOK BACK

2009-04-25T08:12:00.004+03:00

Hi guys~!! sorry it's been a while since my last post. I have been busy...my computer was hijacked...lol and well... i haven't really had anything profound to talk about. Ok, that's not true. I have had alot to talk about, just not sure it should be posted on here...lol

Ok to start I had a wonderful Bday party that I threw for myself at the W hotel. I can't believe how many people I know here already!! I feel very lucky to have made the friends that I have.

We basically closed down the joint!

I can't believe i am 39 years old. I have been battling back and forth between feeling proud to have gotten to this age and experienced the things that I have, knowing that there is much more ahead for me. I am def. feeling a bit more grounded and comfortable in my own skin. I actually have a future goal in mind...can't disclose that yet, but I am so much closer to realizing my full potential and who I am meant to be.

On the other hand, I lookin in the mirror and think, how can I be almost 40, never having been married, no children, never even been offered an engagement ring. And all I have to do is look in that mirror long enough to see that that path was created by me... my choices... my decisions.

I'm happy with those decisions, to a point. If I had chosen any other path, made any other choices, I would not be the person I am. And I think I'm pretty great. However, I am ready for a new path in my life. One that includes a partner. One that includes commitment.

As scary as the paths that I have chosen have been (moving to Inda, Doha, Europe, etc) the scarier path is the one I have chosen to avoid. I know I am ready for that now.

And it feels good, and sad, all at the same time.

I guess so far this blog is all about recognizing the choices we make...and accepting that everything that happens to us, we created. (well as far as paths go...i'm not talking about a plane landing in your livingroom or anything like that...lol)

This blog is about everything going on in my head....about everything being a paradox in life.

You can't move forward while looking backward, but you can't know your moving forward without know where you came from.

Things here in the mid east are a paradox as well. On the one hand we all have the notion of what it is like to be Muslim...and a woman. It must suck. The oppression, the slavery, the condemnation.

But that is only one side of it. I was speaking with someone who is very knowledgeable (not muslim) and got a totally paradoxical view... that in the privacy of their own home the woman is the "king"...lol

Really what she sais goes. She doesn't cover her face in public because she is made to, but becasue she chooses to...it actually adds to her allure...

Like I said in a previous post, the outside of things here are plain, beige, black, white... but look just inside, just below the surface, and the opposite is true. Colors, vibrant and rich.

The Qataries, the few I have met, on the surface, when "covered" seem bland and without much personality. But speak with one or two of them for a few min (especially the women) and you will find them quick witted, curious, proud.

paradoxes....

There is obviously alot going on in my head.... being here in a Muslim country, not being religious myself in any way, am finding a pull for something... more... spiritual.

I won't find it here, but perhaps this is the first step in my road forward to finding that path..

I am already thinking about my next journey.

I am constantly re-reminded that if I put my energies and thoughts into focus... and focus those thoughts toward a goal it will be reached... no matter what.

With coming here, with relationships, with ...ooh that reminds me!!

My dance nights are going to happen!!! I am hosting a country dance night and a swing dance night at the Marriot here in Doha!!! Never been done before! I KNOW that if given the proper amount of time these nights will be big! I am going to try to attach the flyer... if you see it.. it worked.. if not.. then i will have to try again...

But I digress...

Sometimes the things you focus on are only going to keep you on the road...looking back. It's a tricky thing to know where you came from but only look ahead... I haven't mastered that yet....

The universe is funny. What you put out to it, it will return to you...if only to teach you a lesson.

The day you stop running is the day you arrive....just enjoy the ride

2009-03-10T21:36:00.004+03:00

I don't feel as if I am fully embracing my new experience. I sit here at this cafe at the Souk Waquif and look at all of the poeple who are here...and think...am I allowing myself to accept this great gift of an adventure, to learn about a new culture.. .to learn about myself...to absorb all that I can?

They are from all walks of life, every part of the globe. Some LOOK like tourists, some LOOK like natives. Some look shell shocked and some look relaxed. I wonder what I convey to those who are looking at me.

A man walked past me a moment ago (which is what promped this musing). Obviously not from here. Western dressed... jeans, red t-shirt. He looked like he was Hawaiian from South Cali....very artsy and surfy all at the same time. And just from the way he carried himself... his vibe... you felt as if "here is someone who SAVOURS his experiences." Now, I could be totally wrong with my assumption, but that is the feeling I got... and it made me envious.

I feel like I am the consumate outsider. Always searching. Never really at peace with where or who I am.

I woke up the other morning asking myself "why do I always seem to be dissatisfied...not fully content". Always looking forward...sometimes backward... but rarely, very rarely, able to be in this moment, right now. SAVOUR it. Taste it. Commit it to memory...all of the colors, smells, emotions of this one, singular, unique moment in MY life.

Sitting here, in this place, the Old Souk, which was originally built thousands of years ago...in this modern cafe, reflecting on the past...looking to the future.... I am trying to savour THIS ONE MOMENT...and to be at peace.

Last night a friend of mine introduced me to a song... and for some reason the words have been bumping around in my head...

They shut the gates at sunset

After that you can't get out

You can see the bigger picture

Find out what it's all about

You're open to the skyline

You won't want to go back home

In a garden full of angels

You will never be alone

But oh the road is long

The stones

That you are walking on

Have gone

With the moonlight to guide you

Feel the joy of being alive

The day that you stop running

Is the day that you arrive

And the night

That you got locked in

Was the time to decide

Stop chasing shadows

Just enjoy the ride

If you close the door

To your house

Don't let anybody in

It's a room

That's full of nothing

All that underneath your skin

Face against the window

You can watch it

Fade to grey

And you'll never

Catch the fickle wind

If you choose to stay

But oh the road is long

The stones

That you are walking on

Have gone

With the moonlight to guide you

Feel the joy of being alive

The day that you stop running

Is the day that you arrive

(Chorus)And the night

That you got locked in

Was the time to decide

Stop chasing shadows

Just enjoy the ride

Stop chasing shadows

Just enjoy the ride

Yup... this IS the middle east

2009-03-02T12:07:00.003+03:00

CENSORSHIP SUCKS

and I believe that is all I will be able to say on that subject.......

The Best Day EVER....followed directly by a shitty mood....

2009-02-21T21:50:00.004+03:00

who would have thunk it... Matthew McCaunaghy in Doha!!!! Ahh to be 24 again.....

talk about two different worlds colliding...

nice guy...(he was the police overseeing the function)

outside of the zoo... again...worlds colliding...(bad pic of me though....)

hi Mama

me and alan.....zoom in on the pic... people everywhere... regardless of country or religion, enjoy much the same things... spending time outside with family... surrounded by nature...

now THAT'S a face....

nope...that is!!!!

BEST PICTURE EVER!!!!

pretty face

the entrance to the Doha Zoo...and the round thing is one of the monkey cages

this is Rick's...just turn your computer on the side so you can see it

Alan and Paul...a brit, an aussie and a small town american diner in Doha

Why does that always happen? They say you need evil to know good, you can't have light without dark, so I guess that follows suit with having the best day in a new country followed by the worst mood ever the next day.

Ok so yesterday...THE BEST DAY EVER. Woke up late... YEAH

went to RICK'S KOUNTRY KITCHEN....OMG!!! just a like a small town diner-ette. I FINALLY had a real breakfast... blueberry pancakes, eggs, grits!!!!(ok, the grits sucked but you can't have it all right) with two great fellas... Allan you already know about... and now Paul... cool kid. 27 from Australia...(man thay make 'em hot down under)

nice guy, loves his gf... even if he did leave her in Aussie land, totally into fitness. We were talking about kite surfing and he is willing to help me out with the learning process. He even went so far as to check online for a beginner kite for me. Keep your fingers crosses I don't kill myself... lol

So after a hearty meal the three of us traipse down to the Doha Zoo....

I was worried about going... I thought I was going to want to set all the animals free, cry about their inhumane "care" or otherwise just be disgusted... I was none of these things. Although I have to admit I am not a big fan of zoos at all, I wasn't horrified by the state of this one. I was concerned about the overcrowding in some of the areas, like the monkeys or the deer, and for the most part the enclosures were too small for the occupants, but that's the way most zoos are... even the ones in the States. There was proof, despite this, that the animals were feeling pretty good though...AHHH SPRING WAS IN THE AIR!!!lol

yup... oh irony. Here we are in the middle of a muslim country where even a light kiss on the lips between the sexes is editied out of movies in the theater, many many randy animals were putting on their own little porno shows. There should be a few baby panthers, lions, chimps and more than a few monkeys in the coming months.....I have to say, we were incredibly lucky to see the animals so active and...so close!! No where in the states would they have the lion cage just inches from you. I was getting a kiss from the giraffe... The elephant could have touched me with his trunk. It was truly amazing to be soooo close to these guys!

So, after that wonderful display of love, and the three of us "adults" behaving like silly 3rd grade children with the giggling and pic taking, off we go... and I went to the Texas A&M Boot Scoot!!!

Jeans, boots and my cowboy hat!!! A little two stepping and throw in Matthew McCaunaghy for an appetizer and I was one HAPPY GIRL last night!!!!

So why am I so DAMN GRUMPY today??????

Sorry I haven't written in a while. My camera finally gave up the ghost and i had to go get a new one. I love it!! It's the Olympus 1060. Great pics...

It's starting to heat up here...ugh

Oh.. so here is something fun and exciting!!! I am going to host a country night and a swing night at a restraunt in the Marriot!!!! I am so f'n excited to see if I can get this off the ground!!!!

They have given me two nights per month to promote and if I can give them 50+ people I might get more nights or a bigger venue.

I really think this could be something that is needed here. There is a HUGE community of people here from Texas, Oregon, Oklahoma, etc... who have no outlet. As well as a large group of 40+ ers who don't want to go to the clubs, and the bars are just not what they want. So for them 50's swing... Any ideas or thoughts on this? Let me know!!!!

Miss you all and thanks for keeping up with me.

For such a slow pace everything moves so fast here....

2009-02-02T14:56:00.006+03:00

look very closely at the pic above... can you see who is driving???

me and Diane

and John

melissa, cheryl and me...(melissa is on your right and cheryl on your left)

So I have just experienced my first Doha loss.... and it is dawning on me that this is just the first of many...

Living in an expat community bonds are formed, tight and deep, very fast. I think this is for a couple of reasons. One, everyone is in the same boat...far from home, family and friends. Far from everything familiar and safe. So in order to regain some feeling of home and safety you reach out to people who "remind you" of people you have known. Gather around each other... safety in numbers. And if you feel close to those around you you feel protective as well as protected. More so than even at home with the best of friends.

And two...the knowledge that time here is finite. People come here for work and when the contract is up, or some before, they pack up and head home or to the next destination.

It seems I came in just as most contracts are coming due. I have quite a few people whom I have come to think of as my support system here who are reviewing their options...to renew or to go...

One left the other day. And as I have only known him a short time we became good friends. The other friends I have here I have known even longer(in my whole two and 1/2 months)...and as this is my first goodbye here it is hard...and I can only imagine that the next few will be even harder. Strange really. I have alway been able to just pick up and go...knowing that I can always go back, so the goodbyes don't sting as much. But living the expat life...when you say goodbye you never know if you are going to see that person again....although I hope that the friendships I have made here so far and have yet to make will not only be lifelong in thought but also in practice. But you never know. It's tough to have friends located all over the world and get a chance to see them...

I started to think about my time in Nepal the other day. I had made a friend by the name of Sharad Thapta. We met at JFK heading for New Dehli. He was on the plane with us and we offered him free passage through to Nepal if he would be willing to translate for us and generally be our guide. He and I became very close friends very fast...as only teenagers can do.

We left him in DillyBazzar...heading towards an unknown future, an angry family and an unwanted bride. He left me with his blue striped shirt as a token of our friendship.

We never spoke again...a letter did find me many many years later...I tried to reply but am almost sure he never got the letters I sent him. I still have that shirt. In fact it's here in Doha with me.

Although he and I never spoke again his friendship has shaped a part of who I am. It is lifelong. Even if not in practice.

pics that go the the blog below...

2009-02-02T00:44:00.006+03:00

sorry kids my computer took a nose dive for the past few weeks... so here are some pics... the one above is in a dune buggy... zipping up a huge sand mountain in the dark...

the gauges on the buggy....

this owuld be the tent we errr "camped" in

sheesha and sofas... best way to rough it

Simone... going Quatari

the girls on NYE... the one in the middle is Melissa...and my redheaded sister in training is on the left....

the desert at sunrise... yup...that's where we "camped"

me in the buggy...after i decided i was tired of eating sand....

NYE....Cheryl, Ray, Me and Mel.....

this is me and Diane... the lady in red....

this is what i would look like with a kid.... did you all fall off your chairs?????

NYE showing some leg.....

yup cat's and kitten's this is me... in the middle east... at Garveys......on Jonny Cash night....

It's a new year, in a new country..so why does it all feel the same???

2009-01-08T00:30:00.002+03:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

I hope for you all a year of dreams realized, goals met, joy had and love given.

So, I found myself thinking the other day, huh, self... here I am in a totally new country, my path before me NOTHING like what I had ever pictured for myself, facing new challenges, finding new goals, having new experiences and learning new things... so why is it all still so FAMILIAR?

It's strange, I am finding that my initial goal of coming here, "lightening my load" and stepping outside of my comfort zone (which for you who know me, know that i'm pretty comfortable ANYWHERE) is not exactly becoming realized. I am finding that the lifestyle I created for myself in Manhattan is somehow very similar to the lifestyle I am creating for myself here. (I know, go figure...) I mean, I work very hard, long days, I go out to the bars, clubs, dinner, movies, shopping, horseback riding...I already have a large and growing larger circle of friends (whom I love already) and I don't seem to have any time for things like cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, even watching TV.

It just struck me the other day how that saying "Where ever you go, there are you are" is really soooo true. I had hoped to be able to create a balance in my life, slow down a bit... be more spiritual and at peace... and...somehow... with all that hasn't changed, I feel a little closer to attaining that goal. Just having had the moxie to pick up and move to a place I had never heard of, get rid of most of my belongings (just to buy them again....lol) and face the unknown...this alone has brought me a step closer to knowing who I am, and what my place is in the big ole universe. I do feel a little more balanced. I am going to be more balanced come next month. My new friend Melissa is going to start training me. She is a marathon runner... and after two kids she looks HOTTTT. So we are going to start working out... I can't wait to start up again!

I spent NYE here in Doha. I was at Melissa's for a party and I bounced from her's to my other new friend Diane's place. She's another milf...from Australia. These two girls have motherhood, wifehood and Doha-hood down to a science. I feel truly blessed to have met them.

Then there's Simone. Simone is a girl who puts my independance and adventurousness to shame. She has managed to do something here that most westerners take years and years to achieve. She has become a part of the Qatari community. She took me out in the desert, with some of her local friends. These guys were really cool... once they accepted me into the fold, so to speak.

Had a great time... went dirtbiking, and sandbuggies and these guys know how to set up a camp. We are talking wall to wall carpeting, internet, stereo and satalite tv. Catered food, and even a shower!!!!

For me this was an eyeopening experience. Seeing how, underneath the social idiosyncrasis and cultural differences, it doesn't matter how foriegn...we are all basically the same. Here was a group of guys just hanging out... doing guy stuff...enjoying a day with no responsibilities, laughing, eating, playing...lounging...albeit in a very funny language, with very different social expectancies. But the same none the less.

Ok.. so it's late and I don't think this blog is very well put together, but I wanted to get something down before I forgot about my fun adventures in the desert, with a group of strangers, who would still be strangers if I didn't have to guts to follow the unknown.

And my great fun on New Years Eve, in a strange land full of people who are no longer strangers but, I have the strange feeling, that they are friends for life.

As for you back home, I miss you all, and know that you are in my heart always

I really need to bring a notepad with me!

2008-12-29T18:26:00.003+03:00

So the past few days I have written some AMAZING blogs!!! in my head. The trouble is by the time I get to sit at the computer for a few min. all of the witty, smart, thought provoking sentences that I compose throughout my day, spurred by the events that I witness and the conversations that I hear, seem to vanish into smoke.

(or maybe that's the cigarette haze that seems to hover in the air in every single establishment here)

You know, as much as we all complained (and I say "we" meaning westerners) about the smoking ban, how it affected the economy, how it drove bar business down, how it was an infringement on our very rights as free people.....I am totally aware of the benefits to it. I can't tell you how much of a difference I feel in my own lungs having just been here a little over a month and spending alot of time in bars and restraunts... with poor ventilation to boot... Next time someone asks me what I miss... I will tell them it has to be smoke free establishments.

I was watching a movie the other day. "The Dutchess"

There was a scene, and in this scene, as the new husband is undressing his new wife for the first time he says something like "I have never been able to understand why womens' dresses are so confusing" or some such thing.

Her response... " You men have so many ways with which to express yourselves, we women must make do with our dresses and our hats..." This movie was set around the Golden Age or the Victorian age or something like that ( i know, I'm showing my lack of knowledge here...so sue me)

the point is... in an era when women were not allowed to have opinion, and their worth was measured by the male heirs they could produce the only form of expression and individuality allowed them was their dress. The fabrics they chose, the ornamentation they adorned themselves with, the floursh on the hats they wore.

I bring this up because just the other day I began to truly notice the womens' abayas. At first glance they all seem the same...long, black, head covering, flowing, almost ethereal like.

But when you really take notice you see that each woman, whether she covers her face fully, partially, or not at all, exercizes her right to public individual expression and personality through the adornment and ornamentation of her abaya. (as well as the choice to cover her face and to what degree)

Once I started taking notice, I became aware of how truly beautiful some of these outfits can be. Some have small piping along the edges...a more understated and shy look.

Some have crystals embedded in the hems of sleeves and the edges of the head covering...almost to the point of disco ball standards... for the woman with a big personality hidden under all that fabric.

Some have butterflies, or flowers or just swirly patters stitched on. All in about the same place but each very different, and all chosen, I am assuming, according to the personality of the woman wearing it.

In a part of the world that has the reputation worldwide as providing little room for a woman's

indiviuality and personality and self expression, you see the manifestation of those very things in the same way women hundreds of years ago felt they could openly express themselves safely.

Also, seeing soooo many people dressed soooo alike, it's easy to make the mistake of complacently disregarding the individual under the garment. "they all look the same so therefore they must be the same..." and nothing could be farther from the truth.

It just takes a little time and patience to see all the color that is here, hidden just beneath the surface of black(abaya) and white (thobe or dish-dash)....and BEIGE.

I had my first real conversation with a Qatari man the other night... while buying a chicken. (roasted of course) I was suprised at his warmth. He kindof reminded me of my father.... in a very strange and foreign way. On the surface, the traditional dress can keep you at bay. The mannerism of the culture isn't like our own... and it can be off putting and daunting. But this experience the other night and the few Qatari women I have had the fortune to meet in my chair at the salon is helping to put me at ease and to allow me to lift my own veil of misconception to see these people as the individuals that they are, not just the Arabs that we see on the news.

I found this and thought it interesting... i didn't write it however:

"For many, the native dress of Arab peoples is odd if not absurd to their modern sense of styles. Somehow they tend to see this as proof of backwardness of Arab society. However, such thinking is in itself very flawed and narrow. If we can see other cultures such as Japanese, Pakistani, or places in Russia, South America, and where culture still plays a strong role in families, people can still be seen wearing traditional clothing. The question should be asked why? Often we find that clothing not only fulfills an identity but also practical solutuions.
Upon first moving to the Middle East I found the clothing odd myself. Yet after having lived here for more than a decade, it is clear that the type and shape of the clothing serves several purposes. Naturally for the women, there is a religious fulfillment by wearing loose, long clothing that covers the woman and maintains her modesty. Secondly, there is distinct cultural connection to the type of dress worn depending upon the location.

Palestinians typically wear clothing with traditional cross stitch needle work, which is very intricate and valued. Within Saudi Arabia, women from the Asir region will wear a different type of dress compared to those of the Hijaz. Several of the dresses are interesting and different in design. Many women in Islamic countries increasingly choose to wear the hijab or scarf. And while in places like Saudi Arabia where the face cover is expected of Saudi women, many of the practicing Muslim women choose to do so of their own free will out of a sense of piety. When women go out they typically wear an Abyaya to cover normal clothes like jeans and t-shirts or maybe fancy dresses. This again is to protect the woman’s modesty and high honor in society.

As for the men, most men wear some kind of Thobe, or long white garment similar to a shirt with thin cotton pants underneath. The Thobe is perfectly suited for the hot desert climate of Saudi Arabia. The design allows air flow to cool the body. Additionally most men wear the Ghutra or Smagh which is a square scarf, made of cotton or blends, folded in a triangle and worn over the Tagiyah (a white cap). It is either all white or red and white checked. There is no significance placed on which kind the man wears. The Quran states that a man should be judged by his deeds not on his appearance so the Thobe also expresses equality.
The traditional dress may seem outdated in these ‘modern’ days, however living in this environment will quickly show any person that the long clothing protects the body from the elements and sand, and when caught in an unexpected sand storm the Ghutra protects the face and nose from the harsh elements. One soon learns to see the Thobe as an elegant form of clothing, and hey, try to keep them sparkling white day after day as they do!"

Live....From NY!!!

2008-12-24T02:27:00.003+03:00

Hi kids!! Well... the past few days have been a whirl wind. It was a last min decision, but yesterday morning I showed up on Len's doorstep for a Christmas suprise. I have to say I have never ever done that before... so I was a little nervous, but... I'm glad I did.

So I'm here in NY just till Thur night then back to Doha.

It's great to see everyone...well... the few people I have managed to get the time to see...but having been away has been very good for me. The new job, the responsibilities, the new adventure... I feel more like my old self than I have for a very long time. And although I am looking forward to going back and continuing my adventure I am glad I decided to take this trip back home.

Since I've been home everyonbe has been asking me how it is different living in Doha compared to here... and I have to reiterate... it's strangly the same, but just slightly off. Like someone from another dimension saw Vegas...drunk...and tried to recreate it from a hazy hungover memory. It's almost the same but just not...quite.. right, somehow.

The biggetst fear I have is becoming too clmplacent and foregetting that I am living in a Muslum country where the laws and rules are not only foreign to me, but also strange, and as far as I am concerned, aren't based in much common sense.

Like roundabouts... coming back to LI I realize that I have always driven a little like a Qatari. Pushy and defensive. But OMG!!! In most places in the world, if you are driving on roundabouts there are rules, codes of conduct. In most polite societies the outside lane of the roundabout is for taking the right exit, the middle lane is for going across and the inside lane is for taking the left exit or for doubling back. Not so in the land of Doha. Apparently the inside lane is called the "captain's lane" which means that what ever the person on the inside lane feels like doing...well, be damned to the people in the outside two lanes... forget about common courtesy. Just be well aware of the fellow in the four wheel drive looking to plow across two lanes of traffic in order to take the right. The right that by rights is YOUR right, and he really should be going left. And god forbid you get into an accident with this guy...because it will be your fault. No conversation about it. (see, no common sense to the rules here)
anyway enough of my rant. I hope you all have a fantastic holiday season and I'm sorry I didn't get to see most of you while I was here, but it was really for three days.

Merry Xmas, Happy Chanukkha, and Peaceful Qwanza.

Remember to tell those you love often and loudly how much they mean to you. Never go to bed without at least saying I love you (even if you are still angry), and don't let anyone you care about travel without first telling them how much they mean to you.
Life is short, and you never know what is going to happen. Make the most of every day, for yourself and for the ones you love. So with that in mind, I miss you, I love you and I am blessed to have you in my life.

I'm still trying to upload that damned video from a few weeks ago... don't worry, it will happen.
sorry this is so all over the place, but i write what i think, and right now i am just trying not to think about leaving tomorrow....
kisskiss

pics from Qaws

2008-12-09T09:48:00.005+03:00

These are pics from QAWS the animal shelter here in Qatar. It is an interesting thing to have a shelter here as the local population doesn't really have the same outlook on animals as we in the western cultures do. To say they don't like dogs is a gross understatement. Most are terrified of dogs and feel that they are dirty creatures and use them for target practice. Cats are tolerated outside as they help rid the area of rats. Horses... they have the highest importance here as far as animals go. Other than that, you don't find many local people caring about the treatment of animals.

So QAWS was born... from the need seen by a few westerners. I don't know the whole history of the place, but I do know that I am happy it's here and hope to be able to help out there as soon as I can get the guts up to try to drive there on my own.

There are so many dogs and cats there, as well as a kestrel bird and an Australian possum.

The people who run the shelter are hardworking and dedicated to helping every animal that comes through. Even Ferdinand the bull...has been given a second lease on life...he's such a friendly bull. He loves rubs and kisses...and follows you around like a puppy. They have a mule and a donkey that keep Ferd company. A host of geese and chickens and a few ducks.

Hillary found a baby kitten the other day, and we sent her to QAWS. (although, to be honest, i might just have to steal her back...) they named her Fairy at the shelter. I have some pics attached of some of the animals... next time I go I will see if I can take some pics of the wonderful people who help save the animals here.

The sad part is that most of these animals wouldn't be here if WE weren't here.. we meaning expats. We come and bring our animals with us and sometimes when we leave we can't take them back for one reason or another, or the animals we bring breed and now we have more animals than expats.

I had a great ride yesterday. They gave me a new horse... Little Thor... lol and that's just what he is. He is a gelding, who runs endurance races... and his main joy in ife seems to be figuring out ways to avoid doing what you want him to. He pushes boundaries and generally tries to be a little shit... so of course I fell in love immediately. I have video, but have to download it. I will show you guys when I get it.

I've been riding three or four times since I have been here and I already feel stronger. The ride yesterday was my best ride here yet.

Hopefully today I will be going to the beach. I'll take some pics from there. Have a great day.

Care packages sent here....

2008-12-06T22:41:00.002+03:00

One more thing... if you want to send anything to me this is how to send...

label and send to

niki zborower
c/o Hillary K Reese
DOH 4504
147-29 182nd st
Springfield Gardens, Ny 11413

(718)553-8740

All packages will be routed through here and then on to me.
any shipping charges I will take care of.
And if anyone is interested in giving to a good cause... I am in desparate need of good tint brushes(like a dozen), like the ones we use at Who Does Your Hair Salon, as well as capes and robes and color keys. (there is only one distributer out here and he had two tint brushes... both crap. We are down to two or three capes in the salon and 6 gowns. I will happily pay back any expenses... but I can't have the stuff sent by a company. There are strange import/export laws here that apply to retailers but not to care packages sent by friends and family. I think it has something to with payoffs and such. Otherwise, just a bit of home is always welcome.
kiss kiss

In the land of Good 'n' Plenty

2008-12-06T22:09:00.002+03:00

So, I have been here almost three weeks, and according to all of the people I have met I have done more in the short time I have been here than most do in the first six months.

(they don't know me very well.....lol) So, last night I was invited to a party at the embassy with the marines here.... there weren't a lot of people there as most have left for the holiday, but it was fun. I met some great new friends and had a really nice time. The embassy is a pretty neat looking place. I didn't take any pics there though, as I wasn't sure if I should.

Then that same night my friend Mattie picked me up and took me to a yacht party that his friend was hosting. NICE BOAT!!!! Four bed four bath... Here I am in the middle east eating lobster and lamb and drinking a veeery expensive bottle of champagne, which, by the way, here in the Mid East is 3x the cost. One glass of Moet....$75 usd!

Today.....it HAILED!!! Of all things! We had a freak storm this afternoon and it poured down buckets for hours. Then there were hail stones falling from the sky! That is something that I never imagined I would see here. I took pics of the sky but all you see are clouds... (my camera didn't capture the rain...ugh) but even clouds out here are hard to come by.

So, there I was a few short weeks ago, ridding myself of most of my worldly possessions so that I could become freer, live life more fully with less and be more mobile. And let's face it, I had no place to really store all that stuff anyway... lol

I figured I was moving to a land where spirituality (in what ever form they see it here) is prevelant. That living lightly was the way to go....and here I find myself in the land of PLENTY... plenty of malls, plenty of shopping, plenty of fast food joints, plenty of big, fancy cars, plenty of yachts, plenty of people wearing plenty of diamonds, plenty of women veying for attention with their Gucci and Prada and plenty of men showing off their houses and cars and....YACHTS, and Bentlys....

Ahhh the irony.

So much for living light.....lol

I went to a club the other night called The Pearl.. there they have this deadly, and I mean DEADLY drink called, aptly, the Lambourghini. I have know idea what they put in it, but it glows. And then they light it aflame and you have to suck it through the straw before the flame reaches the glass you are drinking from or you will inhale fire. (the drink itself is flammable, as are the straws as attested by the fact that i was too slow and my straw began to melt AS I WAS DRINKING)

Pics are attached ... it is a tower of flaming booze.

So, I am now officially a resident of Doha, with all the privledges that brings... like free medical andd......and..... er... ummm....oh, no taxes.

yeah

Ok, it's late and I am going to sleep. Enjoy the pics and thank you everyone who sends me little notes and emails attached to these blogs. They make me feel good and keep me linked to the real world.

All in all, it's good to be here, having this adventure, meeting the people I am meeting and gaining new knowledge about myself.

And there are plenty of things here... plenty of entertainment options and plenty of reasons to have taken this adventure on.

miss you all.

This is the Middle East???

2008-12-01T13:17:00.008+03:00

So, if anyone had told me a few months ago that Fri night I would be getting into a large SUV with my new friend Alan, a very, very large, intimidating looking British bloke, on our way to a Benny Benassi (very well known Italian DJ fellow) tent rave in the Middle East, singing Dolly Parton songs at the top of our lungs, I would have said they were out of their minds, or at least on some form of hulucongenic drug. For reasons, not the very least of which, are that I really don't like raves. The only reason I have ever gone to one is because Len likes the music. Personally, I don't get it... it all sounds like one very long, very annoying, synthesized noisey "song"....

But, lo and behold, that is exactly what I did fri. night. And I have to say...I loved every min of it. This guy actually has songs that sound different from one another... and the vibe was amazing!!! And all drug free. In this country there is zero and I mean zero tolerance of drugs. So, in a venue where there are usually tons of zoned out, stoned out and generally whacked out people, there were just a bunch of folk, from all over the globe, coming together to enjoy dance and sound and reverie. There was alcohol...and alot of it... but funnily enough, there were no fights, no drunk people throwing up in corners or bathrooms, no xrated displays....(but def some very skimpy clothes...and lots of touching and sensuality). No one getting hassled and no one getting tossed out. Tons of smiles, lots of fun, great music, and a very open environment to meet new people and make new friends. In fact there was a whole group that converged on Alan and I... shared their drinks and have kept in touch... go figure!

I have pics and vids for proof... even vid of the Dolly Parton sing along, but that will be in the next installment.

Now... let's see what lessons I have learned so far... I have learned that in my mid thirties I have lost some of my adventurousness. I find I have been keeping myself enclosed in a westerized bubble here in the Middle East and haven't yet felt comfortable enough to explore the culture. I am starting to learn a little about the customs and take in visually the way the people here live, but it's interesting. There are sooo many diffent ethnic cultures that create Qatar that I have a hard time figuring out what is culturally native and what has been tainted by all of the other ethnicities. Also, it's interesting, the varied customs among just the different Muslim sects from other cultures. The Qataries have a very specific style of dress... black for women, white for men. Some women cover their faces, some do not. Most cover their hair. That's what I've got so far. There are other Muslim nationalities here as well. The style of dress is different as well as the amount of coverage required. I'm interested in learning more about these differences and what they mean. Anyone have any knowledge??

I am hoping to really get more invested in the cultures outside of my westernized view... when I was younger, living in Nepal I coulnd't stand having to be kept with my fellow Americans... apart from the locals and would sneak off every chance I got to immerse myself in the culture, the smells and the diversity.

Here, I am finding myself a bit reluctant to let go of what I know to be comfortable and familiar...and it seems I am not the only one. As I have said before... it kinda feels like Long Island only beiger. Or anyplace, USA or Europe... We have all come in and created smaller versions of our lives at home that I really don't see much of what might have been an interesting culture, other than the museums and mosques.

Well, ok... off to jet skiing now... Oh... this moring I went with a lovely Aussie lady who took me to QAWS the local animal shelter, where I think I am going to volunteer a few hours a week after work. The have camels and donkeys and a BULL(he is soooo sweet... love to be scratched on the neck) and tons of dogs, cats and...er... hedgehogs... and one baby falcon.

I will have pics next time I go there. It is nice to see one of our western customs is taking hold here, in a land where there is no regard whatever for animals other than falcons and the Sheiks' horses. I know they need more funding so I'm thinking about starting up a drive... if anyone wants to help please let me know, thank you.

In the land of sand and....dairy queen.....

2008-11-19T08:49:00.002+03:00

Well...I'm here!!!!Got in Sun night about midnight...The plane ride was easy...got alot of sleep, good leg room. But I remember feeling a sense of panic begin to build as I landed in Bahrain....I'm on a German aircraft with a German pilot speaking to me in both German and Arabic... neither of which are terribly beautiful languages to the ear.....(no offense)
and I thought...WHAT THE F@$#%&^K AM I DOING????
Then, we land...off the plane I go... and I see a sea of.... indians???? yup... it was like being in little nepal...or some parts of Brooklyn...lol
my hosts are no where to be found and the panic builds again...and then running through the doors of the airport comes Hillary.....looking like she felt terrible that I was standing there about to cry.....
Sweetest people I have ever met in Doha...(ok, so they were the first people I ever met in Doha, but they are sweet non the less...)
In the car, off to my new abode... very nice abode I might add. It is a villa, which here means basically big house, which he has renovated to accomodate a few apts. Mine is the downstairs. (see pics in post below) It's quite large and comfortable. I just need a few more pieces of furniture...oh wait, part of this was to downsize.... learn to live with less...(more on that in a later post)
The oddest feature about my apt is that the shower is in......the kitchen. It seems as the house was built with the shower upstairs, as most good houses are, and when this was sectioned off to be my apt, a shower was needed. Obviously. And the best place to put it was near the hot water source and that would be... in the kitchen. So, if you are visiting me, and want to eat a nice bfast, I suggest you eat in the living room...or you may be getting more than you bargained for when I step out of the shower getting ready for work...lol
In fact that's what I have to do now. Yesterday was my first day of work... hit the ground running.
Out of the airport into the car... to new apt..drop off bags, goto dinner and a local fast food shwarma joint,(but there is a DQ here as well as Fudruckers, McD's, Hardy's and Potatas, just to name a few of the crap food joints we have decided to grace the rest of the world with...) then to Rydges to the Aussie bar for a lungful of ciggy smoke and a beer then off to bed. Next day picked up and whisked to lunch at a french joint, then to the mall for some grocery shopping (carfours) and some essentials... all of a sudden it's midnight... home to bed... to roll around until 8 am...then up and off to work. First day of work I had 13 clients... it was 10 am then next thing I know it's 7pm...off to meet a Welsh lady about renting some horses for the year...( at $250 a month it's a deal!!!), to the souk for icecream and a walkabout...then bed.
And that, ladies and gents, has been the sum of my adventures thus far....
Today I have 14 people scheduled for work, and I am feeling a bit goggled by it.
I have an amazing assistant named Nasreen. She's from Lebanon. Has great hair and a fantastic attitude and is so incredibly helpful. My job here is to train her for her own chair and then get another assistant. Build the business, and basically dazzle the clients.
Fingers crossed I can accomplish that last bit... if yesterday was any indication of how working here is going to be, I can say that I will be the busiest that I have been in my life...it seems they are in desparate need of some good hair dressing here... and at Glow, between myself, Hillary and Nesreen...I think they will find what they are looking for.
Ok, off to work.
Next installment I will be asking the question....."Are the lights here that ominus, creepy yellow color on pupose, or is it just the dust"

I'm leaving on a jet plane

2008-11-15T22:36:00.003+03:00

Ok guys...here it is... a few hours until I head off for the great unknown. Very strange day today. I'm spending it with two of the most beloved people in my life. I feel like I should be more freaked out than I am... but then again I feel like I'm just sort of numb. I don't know how I am going to be once I get to the airport, say goodbye to Len and Karen and sit at the gate....alone.
I have made a point of not being alone much these past few weeks... between going home to Az, going to Ohio...my car is an official Ohio resident now, by the way... and basically seeing everyone I can for the goodbyes... as often as I can...lol
I have packed with the intention of being gone at least a year, maybe longer.. .but yet I have only two suitcases and a carry on. Feels strange that I once had so much stuff, and thought that I needed all of that stuff to get by and can now safely say that with my two 80lb pieces of luggage, I have wayyyy too much stuff... lol
I have cleaned house, cleaned my emotional closest, and am looking forward to what this new opening can offer me. I only hope that I can learn whatever it is I'm supposed to learn from this new adventure. And I hope that those of you reading this blog will learn something as well.
I have a new phone number .... it is 011 974 687 0376
you can still call the old number, but it wont ring through. I am going to use the old number as an answering machine and will pick up the messages every few days. Also don't forget the SKYPE... I am nikizcolorz on SKYPE. It's so easy to use, even Karen has it on her computer....
lololol

I land Sun night at 10pm their time which is about 2 in the afternoon here. I will update this blog on Mon...and I start work on Tue.
Thank you again for all of your support, friendship and love.

new address....

2008-11-10T06:19:00.005+03:00

Sahat al-Taawon street Villa #37
Fareej Kulaib area
Doha, Qatar

that's it... sounds very foreign and strange.. but as of next sun that is going to be my new address.

I just got back from Az seeing my family, introducing Len to my mom and my sister's kids and a few friends.

I have pics of the trip and will add them when I get them on the computer.

Don't have much to say other than tomorrow morning early I am driving to Ohio to drop off the car and back in NY by wed... then off to Doha Sat.

I'm attaching pics of the new home...I hope you can all come and visit.

damn, I suck

2008-11-06T01:26:00.002+03:00

ok ok... I know I said I would have pics posted, but, I am in Az and don't have the computer with the pics on it with me... I'll get it done, I promise.
So, I'm in Az to visit with the family..and Len has come with me. I really am glad that he is finally getting a chance to share my life with me... only took 7 years... lol
It's strange being here now. Knowing that after next week I won't really know when I am coming home again. Could be a month, a year, three... who knows. I don't know if the reality of the not knowing has hit me yet. All I know is that I am trying, every day, to appreciate everyone in my life.
I think, no matter what, even if I turn right around and get back on a plane for home after two days, this decision is going to be a good one for who I am hoping to be. Who I am but haven't discovered yet.
And I hope to bring you all along with me for the ride.
Ok... enough for now. Gotta go back outside into the sun with Len.
By the way...any thoughts on the new president? On the election? Surprised?
My only thoughts about it at the moment is... how is this going to affect my quality of life in the area I am choosing to move to.

New SKYPE address

2008-10-31T23:14:00.003+03:00

Hey all, ok, so I finally got SKYPE. This is the coolest thing since sliced bread!
If you don't have it, go and get it. We can talk for free over the computer...and somehow they even have a handheld phone that you can use. But I think that costs a little bit but nowhere near what using a phone costs.
My SKYPE addy is
nikizcolorz

call me!

Aloha Doha-the first of BLOGS to come

2008-10-31T10:24:00.000+03:00

Well, Hello All...
This is my very first blog...ever. I'm sure they will get better as time goes on so please bear with me. Ok. So as you know, I am moving to Doha, Qatar in two weeks. I thought I would blog about my travels and time while there for a few reasons..1)I seem to be heading to a place that most people have never even heard of... myself included, and thought that we all have a pre-concieved notion of what the middle east is. Who these people are. And that there is no way in hell any of us really ever WANT to go there. So, maybe, through my adventurousness(or stupidity) we can all learn a little more, perhaps change our views(or not) and see a part of the world we never thought we would.
2)I wanted to find a way to feel not so far away from you all, and to keep you in my life in one way or another
and 3)So that you can all keep an eye on me. If there is ever two weeks where I don't post please call the embassy in Doha
Emergency assistance for U.S. citizens is available 24 hours a day. In the event of an emergency, please call 974-488-4101 to reach the embassy duty officer.

Consular SectionEmbassy of the United States of AmericaPO Box 2399Doha, QatarTelephone: 974-488-4101 (From the United States, dial 011-974-488-4101 ).Fax: 974-488-4176
Send email to ACSConsularDoha@state.gov for all American Citizen Services related questions

Please keep checking into the blog about once a week if you can. And email me. ALOT...LOL
So, these past few weeks have been stressful to say the least. I made this decision, not lightly, but with some haste. And since it's been made I have gone thru the gammet (sp?) of emotions.
Cold sweats on the back of my neck morning and night, crying bouts, fear, concern, excitement.
Fear... that's a big one. Fear that I made the wrong decision. Fear that I could get there, hate it and be stuck. Fear that if I want to come home, I have nothing to come back to. Fear that I left a job that could have become quite comfortable if given a year or so...and fear that financially I didn't have a year to pay rent and all of my other bills, having been though so much already these past two years. And fear that if I give in to my fear, I will regret never having taken this chance, this opportunity to expand my scope, explore my world, and perhaps, change my life, because I was too afraid to LIVE.

So, I've decided that whatever it was I had been doing wasn't working. Time for something really new. A completely new direction...and then, this opportunity falls in my lap. Well, actually I applied for a job in a place I had never heard of and then promptly forgot all about it...
until I got an email months later. Forward another month or so, several emails and phone calls later and I was offered the position.
My new employers, Mike and Hillary Kozma, from Oregon. He is half Lebabese(I think), and her family owns a large (very large) wheat ranch. They are also 10 yrs younger than me.
Here they thought they were hiring someone who will take their salon to the next level.. up their game.. and now they are worried I'm not even going to get on the airplane... I guess my freak outs have freaked them out.
So far they seem like lovely people.. they sent me a bunch of photos that I will add into my next blog.
Today I moved out of my apt. and what's left of my belongings are strewn throught three boroughs. I'm officially homeless, jobless, and possessionless...and damn it feels kinda good.
For the first time in my life I am really....less...which I think is going to make me more.
As far as blogs go I know this isn't great, but it's my first... and I have so much I want to get in. I'll do that tomorrow.
I want to thank all of you for keeping an eye on me through my blog, my website www.nikizcolorz.com, and emails. I am going to be getting Skype soon, so you should all do the same, that way we can talk for free.
Be sure to save the Embassy info listed above. THANKS

Aloha Doha